Matt
Chris
Rhona
delta-chan
bchan
John
Julie
Vostyle
Navi
Steve
Jason
Tony
Sherwin
Damon
Trey

A ha ha!
So I've been kind of sitting here. Drinking. And I LIKE IT!

Drinking is wonderful.

Metal Gear Solid 2 came out today. I'd certainly like to play it, but drinking has played a huge part in, well, not doing such. Such is life.

I found a lot of married chicks were checking me out today. I guess that's kind of a good thing? It isn't really, it's kind of, well, horrible and awful and morally terrible, but, oh well. C'est la vie.

I bring it up only because Chris McDonalds is a fag. THAT'S RIGHT, A FAG.

Uh........

Anyway, it seems my grandfather (check n #127, true believer!) has found his way into the hospital facing a surgery that doesn't look good for his upcoming lifespan. How ironic. Or, rather, uh, ronic. I am an idiot.

Regardless of how dumb I am, it doesn't look good for my grandfather this year, and that kind of gets me down. Now. A lot. Such is life.

This is why I need to stop the solo-drinking fest. In fact, maybe it's why I need to curb the drinking altogether. It seems kind of like a pain in the ass. You wake up all horrible for a couple of hours of shitty journal writing? What the hell is that!

I'm going to win the CvS2 tournament. And that's that. BOOYAH.

Wednesday, November 14, 2001, 04:02 a.m.

HEY!!!
This is what I like to call a random update. It will continue on whatever tangets I see fit at the moment they are typed. Just because it's fun.

Yep, I've been drinkin' again.

I would like to say how good of a game Grand Theft Auto 3 is. It's the best PS2 game so far, and I'd go as far as to say it'll probably be better than Metal Gear Solid 2. Yeah.

Laslow.

I finished Ace Combat 4 yesterday, and it was great. The whole game was great. It had a good story, one of which was just fantastic. It was told in a witnesses view, one who was uninvolved with the war at first, but who was attracted to the enemy like a Texas driver to a car accident. I think maybe two people will get that, but it's a good comparison. ANYWAY, it makes me want to play Ace Combat 3, but not really because they ripped all the story out of it. What a disappointment.

The X-box comes out next week. I give it a C- so far. An incredibly high rate of failure combined with the worst games ever that appeal to the lowest possible demographic added with some very very awful flagship titles (Halo's like any other FPS just with jeeps, Oddworld was never a good game to begin with, and DoA3 is basically DoA2 with more bullshit, so it's a... dead in the water system). Microsoft is reportedly losing a billion dollars on the launch, so it really makes me wonder why they're making it at all. I guess they have to prove they're the best at whatever they do. The worst part is, the system will kick around for the next year or two because so many people think it's going to be very the great, but sadly is going to be ass. Maybe it's bias (btw isn't), but it looks like the entire thing is a huge experiment and I feel bad for all the people looking to purchase one. It's like a PlayStation 2 but weaker.

It's also funny how well the PS2 turned itself around within the past two months. Ico, Silent Hill 2, Beatmania IIDX 5th Style, Ace Combat 4, Monster Rancher 3, Devil May Cry, Victorious Boxers and others, it's really turned around a lot for the system. And if you're into it, Tony Hawk 3 is also out, it's pretty much made itself the best system ever. And it's a shame too because it basically spells doom for both the X-box and GameCube, because the X-box has no really good game to launch with (a football game doesn't count because, well, football's on every system), and GameCube has, well, no good games at all for a while (Smash will be the real answer to the question of will the system succeed, as it basically represents the user base and how a) desperate they are for games and b) how many people really just bought it because it has Nintendo on the title). I ordered myself a GameCube on Saturday, but only because it's modded. And with a modded system, I'm in heaven. I like my Japanese games.

And I guess it's time to talk about life. Right now, I'm enjoying myself a lot. I got a haircut finally, so I don't look like shit, although I still need to master the art of spiking my hair properly, heh. Damon came in town this weekend, along with KUMAI and Janalyn, and it was fun. Well, it was later last night. But....

Friday night was rather boring, to me. I got to see a lot of people I don't very often, but everyone else was getting drunk, and then I was incredibly tired, and Damon was being an ass while I was trying to go to sleep (to Damon: You are an ass.), and, well, wasn't too fun. Saturday night was fun though. It was like a sliding scale. It started out terrible and then just ended up getting better and better as time went by. What a treat!

Also, I find myself rather confused as far as women go. Like, right now, I like Christina a lot. Most of you've never heard of her, but she's a girl. So there. Uh, anyway. I don't really know why, but she seems very interesting to me, but I don't want to do anything until John is finished chasing, or, rather, not chasing. I don't really know the whole situation, but as far as I've learned, if a friend is going after a girl, it's always better to not interfere. Not that I know the whole situation, but I can just wait that one out. It's not terribly important anyway.

I met Tony A's girlfriend finally. Pretty hot for 15. And she seems more mature than most of the girls I know. So there.

I wish Jennifer would just go out with someone and then the end. The whole thing with Jef and Trey and Gucci is really dumb. I'm not a big fan of it all. Jef and Jennifer have been "dating" for quite a long time. Pretty weak!

And to Kenshin, the ASS, I don't really think about Stella too much anymore. Nor Maly. And really it's all just another embarrassing moment in which I thought I was hot shit and, uh, well, not so. And, uh, I hate you. And you're dumb. And you're mom's dumb. Yeah.

How funny, I have a test in Art Apprecitation tommorrow and I'm still sitting here drinking. I think I'd rather take the make-up test. I'd much rather write and essay about something I know nothing about because then I can bullshit all day and then write in a couple faats and then get an A. That seems like a pretty damn good plan, actually.

Uhhhh..... not really though. Because I don't really appreciate the art.

And let me end this entry as quick as I can. Why is it that none of the incredibly hot girls not go to any of my classes, and why is it that all the decent looking chicks all drop out? It's just not fair!! I guess. I think it was more my being desparate then them being hot anyway, ha ha ha. Period period period. Ok, bye.

Monday, November 12, 2001, 04:32 a.m.

Nothing much here.
Just changing the email address. Probably update in a week or two. Bye!

Monday, November 12, 2001, 02:11 a.m.

Third time's a charm.
Uh, maybe I was a bit pretentious in the last entry. Not that I've read it.

I will add that I'm neither actively searching for either Maly or Stella, more of just the idea. So i'm crazy, boo hoo.

Anyway, I've been thinking about what the passing of ol' grandma Obert meant to me. And, really, I guess it took a while to kick in. But, really, it means a lot to me.

It'd been the first time I'd seen someone close to me pass on, and, really, it scares me.

Ms. Lydia Obert was the last person I'd thought to pass on. And, the aftermath leads me thinking. This was a person who I'd thought would never pass on, and I guess age gets us all at a point. I guess it's something when you see someone outlive yourself. I, personally, knowing my habits, thought I'd be the first to go out of the Sharp/Aeillo/Obert/Nishikawa conglomerate (it's a long story). But, I guess, life catches up with us eventually.

And, well, it leaves me kind of scared. My grandfather, who I've barely known throughout the years, is certainly approaching eighty years of age, and, well, past then, it's a wonder as to how far they'll live. And that affects me, a lot.

I guess I've been lucky, not knowing anyone who's died. Just so happens this year has seen a couple of tragedies. Read previous entries. What a shitty year.

As such, uh, I don't know what I'm going to do. Times are too confusing for my liking. I like things simple. Such is not so. Ah, well, I guess it's time to move on and what not.

Regardless, I'll never forget you, gramma Obert. As forever you'll be known to me, and here's to hoping that this'll be the best 20 years upcoming. R.I.P. Lydia, R.I.P. Earl, 2001 sure did suck a lot. Sigh. Not even close to done. This is Logan, out.

Thursday, November 1, 2001, 02:34 a.m.

Eh, can't win 'em all.
Last entry, I guess I didn't have the chance to say what I wanted to. So I'll do that NOW.

I've been thinking a lot, lately. Lately being within the last 30 minutes. Also, other times, but those times are not really remembered, because I knew I did it a lot back when. And that I'm already forgetting when "back when" was, it doesn't say a whole lot for my retention, does it.

I guess, now, I can really say whatever I want to, with little drawback. Actually, I'll bet I could do that before (and, maybe, even I have!!! Oooo!!! Scroll down!), but never really wanted to. I guess I'll say it now.

Anyway, I'd been thinking about saying something about Stella. Or Maly. Nothing really in particular, just saying something for the sake of saying something. Seems kind of weird? Same here.

It seems, to me, that I like to attach on something intangible. Always the hardest to get is the best. Not so much for the sake of challenge, but more of the "never going to happen" bit, I.

I mean, I mean (...) to say something about Stella, but for what reason, really? Honestly, I'm happier for her now then I could have been, uh, ever. I suppose. And that I tend to draw unneeded comparisons between anything seems to bother me.

Maybe, I'm not making sense (wouldn't be the first time). But, maybe it's that I like to stick to something and not really ever grow on. It'd explain why I lived in that shithole of an apartment for so long. Actually, it explains a lot of things.

Most of them tend to go back to Maly, but, hey, this is for dissecting my own psyche more than it is anything else, so hey. Really, I don't feel anything for Maly. Same for Stella. But, I guess, how long can I keep lying to myself? And honestly, I don't know towards whom I'm lying to, really.

Really, I don't know whether I'm lying to myself saying I like them still or do not. It seems pretty confusing. But, myself, I'd say I like neither. Using like in the "high-school-like-giggle-giggle-giggle" way, wot. Because, I really don't hate or dislike anyone really! But, anyway, I wonder if I'm just sticking to either of the two of them for some unknown reason.

Not that I mean any offense (sticking to the defensive method just in case previous feelings come up again, ho ho), but I really wonder whether I actually mean anything that I say. Uh... not that I planned to say that, just kind of came out. Seems to make a lot of sense though.

I'm an awful shitty writer.

But, as far as Stella and Maly go, I really wonder whether or not I'm still attracted to either of them. Maly I haven't seen in months upon months now, Stella pretty much the same, and now she's hitched (ha ha.). But the difference is Stella's a pretty decent person and Maly's, well, decent too, I suppose!

...

I'm really kind of weak, aren't I.

And I guess that's what I've been trying to get at these past few sentences. That I'm pretty weak. Seems to stand true for a lot of things, and seems to be the absolute truth I've (finally) learned. Oh, well. I guess I can only get stronger from now on? Eh?

Maybe.

And maybe this time I won't take on any extra baggage.

And with a weak return... n is back, ya'll.

Thursday, November 1, 2001, 12:29 a.m.

It's been awhile...
Hi. How have you been? The wife all right? Kids doing well? That's good. Now onto business.

It seems in the month I was off, everyone in the free world (er, #db world, rather) stopped updating their journals. Suckers. They only WISH they could be like me!!! I own!!! Own insert-key ville!!!

Uh, but anyways. Life. So how have you been? Speaking of which, new email address. soapythesailor@hotmail.com. ScottWSux still works for the old AIM though! Quick! Get on it! Quantities going fast!

So, how's life? That's good! Things are going well. Seems like that across the board. My friends seem happy, I'm doing ok myself, no real reason to complain. I guess that's what you get when you stop sitting in front of the computer all day and give life a chance! Uh, yeah.

But, a bit of sadness, and that's what I'll use as the ol' focal point for tonight. My great-grandmother died tonight, and it's a bit of a sadness. Although, I'm not really sure that it is. I guess it's a bit confusing.

I've never really had any of my relatives die. Well, my paternal great-grandfather died when I was about age three, but I don't think that really holds a lot of bearing now. This was a woman I had met in my years of being actually aware of my surroundings, and one whom I'd loved very much. Not that I'd seen her very often, even when I was living in the area, but it was always worth the trip when it was to happen. And then I come home tonight, and the news hits.

I guess I'm still a bit ambivilent on the situtation. Am I that crass, or really is just death not much of an issue to me? Or am I too drunk to really notice the difference (survey says #3)? I guess I've got other days to think it over.

But to me, the question of "what if my family were to all of a sudden die?" has been a rather sticking one in my mind. I don't really know why at all, either. And then I never think about what I'd do afterwards, just how I'd react. Are those really even things I need to think about? Or is it just more idle thinking?

I guess going to school has helped out a lot, because I've stopped thinking altogether (heh). Not literally, but more about the stupid stuff. But, I guess it's something always worth thinking about, eh. My sister got in an accident that nearly totaled her car earlier this month (her own fault), and I'd kind of wondered what would I do to react to that. But, I guess it's just better to react when needed, eh.

React when needed in terms of only act when the best action is a reaction. That makes even less sense, to me and the viewers at home alike (all three of you), but, uh, did I mention I like beer?!

Uh, yeah.

Anyway... past few weeks have been interesting. Spent times with friends, memorable times, and basically just lived life for the hell of it. No real great purpose, just enjoying myself. Best path, I think.

And it's funny, what with all the shit going on inbetween friends. But maybe, that's for another time. Bye!

Wednesday, October 31, 2001, 11:00 p.m.

Owari.
Wow, September usually is the worst month ever, isn't it? I mean, it's never quite hot, nor is it ever really cold. School's starting up, but you're not quite past the summer. And, this September? Well, it was pretty shitty for all of America, I gather.

I'd tried before to come up with something interesting for this entry. I had an interesting idea for an entry, one that probably would have made a few people mad. That and it was more like a story than, say, something that has meaning. Not that this page usually does, but I like to pretend.

And, well, I kind of feel like I have a different life now (master of segue = me). After the incident which took place Wednesday evening (which I will never speak of again, as the event officially came to a close today), I feel a lot better about myself. Even though out of my LEGENDARY apartment, and at home with the folks.

It's strange, also. I feel like a diferent person too. Maybe not so much different, but I'm damned sure I learned a good deal in the past year, and, hell, especially the last week.

I feel a little wiser, a little braver, a little stronger, and, well, also a lot dumber. A nice mixture of experience, there.

And, as such, I don't really know what to say.

I could probably expand on the loneliness I'm feeling over my friends's departure, but I'm happier that they're furthering their lives on their own. I'm also pretty glad they're not around to bother me all day. Heh. They're great guys though.

Or maybe, some more moping and romanticizing about Stella? Well... nah. I think I've gotten over it, and I think the whole thing came about because loneliness x friends leaving + friendly friends = lsharp depression. And also it's kind of a dream which may be better for another day. Great gal though. Too bad she's Korean.

You know, there was really a lot I wanted to say here. Expand on a lot of things, the things that got me down, and how I needed this journal to cry to. Well, I've decided to just forget about those things.

What's gone is gone, and now it's just about the time to move on. Why carry the hate-filled memories of my apartment with me, when instead I can just concentrate on the future, and remember the times that the apartment really made me glad I lived here!

Which is why this is the end of n. I've decided that maybe the journal is making me do things I don't want to do. Didn't want to do. Didn't want to say. Etc.

It helped out in a couple situations, made some people closer, hopefully didn't scary any aay... but it's contributing to, maybe, say, an artificial depression. I thought about this a bit.

Maybe, I started writing the journal in a depressing mood, just to make it a better read. And, one day, I suppose I just kind of... started thinking I was depressed. It's kind of odd and bizarre (read: I'm KERAZY), but I feel I'll be better off without it.

Also, I don't think I'll be doing any farewells. I do that too much anyway, the gimmick's getting stale.

So, thanks for reading. I'll still update, once in a while, but at least not for another month and probably not another couple months after that. And also, I'm not good aof a writer anyway. Not that good? I just suck. Why would anyone read this garbage anyway?

...

I <3 u all~

�I

Monday, September 31, 2001 (heh..), 05:47 a.m.

Oops!
Oops. Slept a bit late today. Except 9/30 entry at 10/1, 0600, central time. Bye!

Monday, October 1, 2001, 03:23 a.m.

Doom!!!
I was going to write an entry today, but then I saw an ad for the eBay Electronic Board game, and have decided to place an order immediately. Maybe five.

I guess it'll just have to wait till... SUNDAY! THE 30TH!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

31st...I am such an idiot.

Saturday, September 29, 2001, 06:46 a.m.

You don't have to put on a red light!
Natalie, eh... Dunno what the hell that was about. Don't drink and post to your web page, kids.

Well, last nights occurances are having a lot of reprecussions, it seems. Art's quit smoking, Skye seems really unsettled, people are all up and drawing sides, Aaron's, uh, in jail, and, well, I've got two days to move out before I'm kicked to the curb. Fun, eh?

But, well, the situation doesn't really bother me that much. Aside from, well, Aaron, I'm the one that's the most affected by this. And, well, I'm not really that bothered with it. Let's look it over from my perspective, hm?

It may just be my "serious things don't affect me, those that have little impact tend to weigh me down" (coughcoughstellamalywhathaveyou) dealie, this is something that all happened for the better. I'm getting off my ass and moving the hell out, finally. Aaron, when he gets out, won't have to spend every waking moment in fear of the police (the warrant for his arrest was, well, two months old), and as long as it's simply a misdemeanor, it's not that big of a deal to me. Life goes on.

I'm also not taking sides in any of this. John, Skye, Art, Aaron, myself, everyone is at fault for this. John made some noise, Skye bought the stuff, Art may have been a bit exuberant with his enjoyment of said stuff, Aaron's has a shady looking car, and a warrant for his arrest, and I let said acts go on under my responsibility. It's done and gone, get over it. That's my take. I personally can't stand the stuff. I mean, I don't need more drive to eat and be lazy. And since nobody I know that smokes isn't really doing much anyway, eh, proof is in the puddin'.

Also, I feel as if it helped me a lot in all the other aspects of my life. But, I'll save that for the 30th. Rock on, true believers!

Friday, September 28, 2001, 07:06 a.m.

Guh?
Ah, Natalie. Tommorrow, perhaps.

Thursday, September 27, 2001, 06:46 a.m.

Tanoshii, ne!
eh... dunno really what to say.

Today was pretty interesting. I dunno what else to say, really.

From what I've gathered, I enrolled in school, got sick, ran errands, ran a few more pointless errands, enjoyed sukiyaki, had the cops come over, watched my oldest friend get arrested, and then, well, I dunno.

Personally, today was the most irritating day ever. It wasn't really bad, and there was a lot of good inbetween. But, as a whole, it was pretty irritating.

From running ridiculous errands to enjoying the company of policemen, well, eh, I guess I should start from the beginning.

It was 9 AM. I was preparing to go to sleep. I recieve a call from my mother, and she tells me we're off to TCCC. The local bitch-made community college. After about 3 hours of run-around, I'm admitted, and that's that. In school, FINALLY, and, now, well, I have plans, and that's good enough for me to constitute a good day.

I take a nap. Till about 4 PM. Tony wakes me up, a rather expected occurance. I get up, mull about for a while, and then continue the move back into the parents's house. Alls well there, but I forget the memory card I was supposed to give my brother. No big deal to myself, I'll just bring it back tommorrow. Well, he bitches a lot, and then I have to drive back.

Also, today, Tony brings a few surprises, what of which comprise of SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters 2 and Gitadora (Guitar Freaks 4th and Drummania 3rd). I enjoy their company for a while and then I head to my parents's house with things to continue my move out of this hellhole.

I forget the memory card that my brother so dearly desired, so there's some conflict. We got out to get sukiyaki (at least, I'm getting sukiyaki), and then spend an enjoyable time with my family and friends at a Japanese restraunt.

After my meal, I head outside and give a call to my friend Trey, who tells me he is currently in my apartment (note: I am not there), with other friend Barry, and I'm rather irritated at this. As I should be. Normal people don't usually just walk in and take a part in sitting around in someone else's home. But, c'est la vie.

I go back in and have some green tea ice cream. It's good stuff, let me tell you. Afterwards, I return back to my parents's house, and my brother throws a fit about his memory card. Which, in turn, makes me go back to my house to go back to his and return his belongings.

Normally, not such a big deal. But as the entire situation started as a promise to my mother, it's rather irritating how I have to be at the beck and call of my 12 year-old brother. Sadly, such an instance is forced as to where I must drive from and back to my parents's house.

After I get back, I see Art and Skye come over. They go outside to smoke up the "happy weed" as usual. Unnaturally so, there seems to be a lot of noise coming up and down the stairs. Well, they all walk pretty loudly, so I guess it's to be expected.

About 30 minutes later, I hear a knock at my door. It's none other than the police. My best friends.

Not only is it police, but the first thing they do is ask for Aaron Shapiro, who is someone I've known for as long as I can remember. Well, ok, they saw his car, ran the plates, remembered that there's a warrant for his arrest, so on. And then I get called out.

I am semi-buzzed at this point, had a few beers, enjoying myself. Why I'm called out, I don't understand. However, I quickly learn as to why.

It seems as if the pot-friends's secret hideaway had been located, and some people had made a bit much of a noise coming up and down from such place. Well, I guess that's too bad for Aaron, as he already has a warrant issued for him, and then that's fate, I suppose. But, then, they try to start some shit with me.

At this point, I'm completely sober, and wondering why the hell they're bothering to question me. And then they ask for permission to search my home. I, as any rational person would, say no, and then they continue to give me shit. As I have smoked nothing and really drink little, they give me shit for about half an hour, and then haul Aaron off to prison.

And then, well, that's about it. I think my opinion on cops has changed, as those guys were real assholes to me and my friends. And, having nothing drug-related on me (the only drugs I do are legal, dammit!!!), they enjoyed themselves trying to "scare me straight" for half an hour about how they were going to "get" me, and that I'd better move out of my current home fast. Sigh... I love Texas.

But, for the most part, that was my day yesterday. Which tends to make my previous thought of good/bad luck come back into mind.

I mean, really, I had some great things happen to me yesterday. I'm in school, making my getting the hell out of Texas that much more of a possibility, as well as having a chance to enjoy sukiyaki once more. But, then, also, everything else in the day was irritating, and it was capped off by my friends's selfish desire to enjoy themselves with marijuana, and almost getting me arrested. Too bad I'm too smooth for policemen.

So, really, it's pretty weird. The one day I'm out doing things which matter, is the same day in which, well, I fear for my own safety as a citizen!

As such, I'm pretty glad I know my rights. And not just know my rights as in "anything you say can and will be used agianst you in the court of law (DRAGNET!)," but, rather, policemen have no right to search my home and giving permission to an officer is the same as signing your own death certificate. Ah, well, c'est la vie.

Otherwise, I'm pretty pleased with things the way they're going now. I'm getting less attatched to Stella (which is a good thing, as it just leads to more hardship as the relationship can't ever happen blah blah blah), and also thinking more about things the way they actually are, in the way they actually matter. I guess that doesn't really mean anything, but, oh well.

Also, the 9/30 entry (9/31... i'm such an idiot.) is still on track. I may have to revise it a little (a lot), but it'll happen still. Need to rework my thinking as far as that goes, though. And it's still, what, uh, crap. Three days away. Bah. Better get to work on writing that pice of loveliness. So, well, bye!

Thursday, September 27, 2001, 06:07 a.m.

The end is near!!!
Tanoshii, ne? 9/30/01. A real date. Sigh... I'm such a retard.

Monday, September 24, 2001, 06:27 a.m.

FOR WILL!!!!!
uh, anyway. Expect a big entry for the end of the month. It might shock the couple of people that read this shite, maybe not. Probably being to pretentious, but oh well!

Anyways, this entry is all about games (or, rather, I hope it to be...), because I'm pretty tired of everything else that's been going on.

First off, my GBA got broke. Dunno how, but the LCD screen is all fucked and I'm pretty irritated at that. Oh well, another reason why it's good to move from this hellhole.

But anyways, the reports going around about CvS3 are definitely false. Because it's not CvS3 that's coming out, it's MvC3!!! So there!!!

Good friend Tony bought Beatmania IIDX 5th Style for me, as I have no money, and I'm enjoying it. It doesn't quite have the difficulty of 4th Style, but I've yet to play any Another songs, and I still can't pass V. I'll get that bastard in the end, though.

DDR 5th Mix also came out recently, and I'd have to say it's pretty damned easy. And the new songs are really pretty bad. And, also, I own the 1st and 2nd place on one of the two 5th mix machines in town!!! I should go to the other one and get it there, but that's money that I'd rather not spend on DDR. Because it's a pretty boring game in the end. DDRMAX better be good, or that's it for the series.

I like rhythm games though. A lot!!! 5th Style is pretty fun, if only because there are songs I actually have trouble passing. Although, it's not nearly as difficult as 4th Style is. I mean, B4U is still pretty tough, what the hell is that!!!

And, uh, that's about all I have to say about games. I like Beatmania a lot. The end.

I guess it helps when you're the best in Texas!!! HA!

But anyway, the entry at the end of the month SHOULD be pretty good. And I might even write it not on alcohol, which will make it EVEN BETTER!!! It might cause a lot of shit too, which rocks!!!

But, uh, that's all I've got to say. Bye!

Monday, September 24, 2001, 04:53 a.m.

I guess every Cowboy does sing a sad, sad song.
Have you ever heard the song about the luckiest/unluckiest man in the world? WELL THEN. I guess I'll have to tell it.

There was a salaryman working in Hiroshima, and then the bomb hit. He survived. Then, he went to Nagasaki, to contniue his work. And then the other bomb hit. And he survived through both of them. Seems pretty lucky, eh?

But at the same time, it was pretty damn unlucky. It's like, he faced death twice, but survived. Well, I know I'm not nearly as lucky/unlucky as that person, but I guess I'll pretend to be for this entry.

Myself, I've been incredibly lucky within the past week. I've been lucky in the ways that I've nearly got a job now, and I'm certainly in school for the moment, I've finally contradicted myself, well, at least contradicted myself for an entry or two. I've got something going, at least, and that's a start.

And, as such, I'm completely unlucky in other ways. I've still got nothing with Stella, as far as my enlightenment is concerned. (which, at best, is the desire for someone else in my life, and I've still got nothing going for me as far as the daily life goes. It's always, day in and day out, what goes on in my apartment.

I suppose that's why things with Stella mean so much to me: they get me away from my daily life. As weak of an excuse as it is, it's all basically a thing to get me away from daily life, isn't it? I mean, I'll still love Stella at my next home, but I don't know that it'll have the same impact as it does now. Hell, I kind of feel like it's just something I like to say to myself in order to keep myself in check, to keep me from thinking that I'm invincible. Not that it matters, but true denial is much better than denial in order to keep yourself in order, eh.

As such, currently, I feel like the luckiest/unluckiest man alive right now. I've achieved a lot through dumb luck what with school and a possible job oppurtunity (I'll never call Blockbuster a career), and then also found myself distant with Stella (and, at the same time, Maly, although I don't know that I really care about that at the moment). Well, c'est la vie, I suppose.

And as far as me not caring about Maly goes, I don't know what I really mean, there. A part of me constantly wants to call her and try to set things up again (just to be knocked down), and a part of me wants nothing to do with it. That sure is pretty ridiculous. I'd like to be at a point in which I'm constantly not in doubt of the things I want to do. But, actually, I think that's the best part about life. Nothing's certain until it happens. And that's a good way to live.

And, myself, I've begun to live that way. FINALLY. And I'm glad for it. There aren't any more bad days, they're just days in which I just decided to live the way I had. And, for now, it's about time for that to change. I guess it's time to live life for what it is (although I may have said that before... ).

Oh well, such is life. I guess it's once we learn that we'll never be truly happy that we learn to understand what life really is. I guess it's when we think things could be better with a simple change that things become a problem. Sigh.

But, myself, I don't see that as a blocking point, I see it as an oppurtunity. There's nothing in which I can not attain for myself, it's all there for the taking. I suppose that's the meaning of the phrase, "carpe diem," eh. It's time to just appreciate things the way they are, and always try to do better for yourself and for others.

While I can say that I haven't really learned a whole lot from that (heh), I can at least say that I try to live my life the best way I can. The way that sends me to sleep, thinking I've done well for the day and that everything is gonna be all right. It's all wishful thinking, but I try to live that way. And as shoul you. Bye bye!

9/30/01. I sure I hope I don't fuck it up like last time.

Sunday, September 23, 2001, 05:09 a.m.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........
I'm an idiot. Sigh. 9/30/01 is a real day and you all should look forward to that. Meanwhile, I'll be seeing how many times I can stab myself and still breathe. Bye!

Sunday, September 23, 2001, 02:18 a.m.

coming soon......
9/31/01. Remember that date.

Saturday, September 22, 2001, 04:41 a.m.

Well, that didn't last long, did it.
Ho ho, back again. It seems as if I can't keep myself away from this devil, can I?

I've about reached my boiling point. The point in which I can't expect myself to just sit around and hope something happens, hope that something will work out for me for the best.

As far as things with myself go, they couldn't really be worse! And I mean that with sincerity. I'm not in school, I'm not working, I'm not really doing much of anything. Except chasing a dream which may never come true.

I say "may" because there's always a possibility. There's always a chance, and it's always a chance worth taking. A time in which you can say to yourself, "I've got nothing, may as well place it on that last bet."

And maybe I actually feel that way. Personally, I don't really know how I feel. I feel as if I love Stella, however, there's a part of me which tells me I don't. Or rather, I shoudln't. And also a part of me which tells me it's a foolish dream, one that won't ever come true. One that won't end up betraying me, but end up staying the way it is so I can be happy with myself, one in which I can feel pleased with myself, however unhappy I may be in the situation.

I talked about the perfect world before (in a rather wordy entry ...). The world in which you create for yourself in order to make yourself pleased with your situations, the world in which you create to make yourself feel better about, uh, yourself. But, as I've learned, it's all a dream.

What with what I've experienced, which, taken as a whole, means really nothing at all, I've learned that the best way to live life is to take all it has to offer and capitilize on that. And, personally, I've had a rather hard time accepting that.

With Stella, I was made. She was the thing that made me into a complete person, the thing that made me think things through for the positive, the thing that made me learn to just love life, and, as such, it became an unnatural feeling of "love" towards her.

Maybe it really is love, I don't know. It may just be an intense physical attraction, it may also just be a severe emotional attraction to the person I'd wish to become, the person in which I'd certainly love to be. However, life doesn't work that well in real-life.

Right now, I'm getting drunk as much as I can, as much as to not feel the pain of the world around me. The world, as to me, exists only with what I think it does. Uh, yeah.... Anyway, the world to me, at the moment, is Stella. And why? I guess I'll have to explore that further.

I think the primary reason is for me to have a reason to live. Myself, I don't really have a lot left to keep me going forward, to keep me from killing myself. Still not in school, still don't have a job, just living life based off a perfect ideal: that of a significant other. And I don't know that the expectations I've chosen really fit true to my current situations, but it sure as hell makes things a lot easier.

I guess I've finally reached the answer for all of it. The reason I love Stella the same way I loved (or rather, loved?) Maly. That in which there's a certain goal to shoot for, that there's that perfect person to shoot for, the one that will make all the problems go away. And, really, maybe I only loved Maly because she was the only person in which I'd ever really loved before. The only person I'd cared for beyond myself. I've learned that, with Maly, the only attraction I felt for her was that she made me a better person. Simply for the reason that she was there, she was the person that made me think things through, made me rethink the way I was living at the time, and made me think that I could most certainly do better.

And right now, I feel the same thing with Stella. She's the one that could make my life better than it is now, the one in which I feel can support me. And, as such, why do I need someone to support me? Perhaps, it's just misplaced emoitions, perhaps it's just she's there and, well, even if she's not willing, she certainly is there.

As myself, I'm not really certain that what I want is with Stella. I'm definitely attracted to Stella physically, and perhaps mentally as well, but maybe I'm just living in the past? Maybe, I'm just fabricating things out of the past, things that should never have been said in the first place, but things that really mean a lot now.

But, also, maybe those things have no meaning. Maybe, they're all just fabrications of my own mind, things in which I can create and just feel appreciative of now, finally. Maybe, they're just things in which I can use to comfort myself in times of dire hardship.

But, also, maybe it's true. Maybe, I do love Stella. Maybe, I do love Maly, still. These things, I can't explain. If I were to say so right now, I'd still say I love Stella, but not enough for it to matter. Maybe, right now, I could say I love Maly enough, but not enough for it to matter. And, enough for it to matter? What does that really mean?

Maybe, it means that I'm too afraid to chase after my own goals and just accept what's given to me. A petty friendship sure is better than nothing, right? Right?

However, such is not the case at the moment. As far as Stella goes, what she does to make herself happy is all ok with me. As far as myself goes, as far as I can remember, making people happy was my job. I don't know if it was forced upon me, or if I actually chose myself this, opposed to bothering others with my problems. And, as such, I kind of end up contradicting myself in the end, eh.

I've learned that I'm a difficult being. One that doesn't ever truly understand, but, also, one that never truly forgets. One that accepts the burdens upon the world as his own, one that accepts things the way they are.

Well, I've about had enough of that.

I suppose, at one point, we all have to live life the way it was meant to be. The way in which we may not have much, but we can always make better for ourselves. The way in which, maybe, everything will work out the way we want it to.

I'm dedicating this entry to the current and former members of the GKREW. You'll never be gone to me, you'll just continue surviving the way I know you can. Keep it going, things will turn your way eventually, if you apply a bit of force. Peace, ya'll, I'm out.

Saturday, September 22, 2001, 03:51 a.m.

It's a game of give and take!
After doing lots of thinking, I got kind of bored with it, so there.

I think I'm kind of falling into the same slip I did last year at approximately the same time, which is the big desire for self-improvement, however I'm too lazy this month and it'll all happen next month. Although a lot more happened this month, eh.

So I started playing video games again! CHOO CHOO HERE COMES THE EXCITEMENT EXPRESS!!! Most notably Advance Wars. It's a very very fun game. It's never too hard without a bit of planning and strategery. Good stuff.

I guess it's que sara sara from now on. Although I don't really know why. I like to let myself slip. Maybe I should drink more. MORE MORE MORE MORE. Even though the slightest taste of anything makes me think of Jim Beam, glargh.

Oops. Forgot about my master plan. September 22nd is the day I quit smoking. That was the day I started last year! Good day to quit. Also they make me vomit. Yep.

Also, the journal will be going on a hiatus for a little bit. Maybe a couple weeks, months, or something. It kind of gets me down. So, I'll chime in when I've got something to say, too much going on at the moment. Too much being not really anything really, just feel like giving it a rest and regathering my skillz. Skillz. Ha. I'm reallllly full of myself, aren't I? Good time for a break. Cheers.

Friday, September 14, 2001, 04:43 p.m.

Bah.
Let it be known that I absolutely hate the month of August. That is all.

Thursday, September 13, 2001, 03:21 a.m.

Ah, yep.
So, rationilizing things isn't much fun, as irrational as it comes out, ahem. It's better to just be more irrational and that's a load of that. Bye bye!

Thursday, September 13, 2001, 12:05 a.m.

Well I wonder! Does He Know!
Ah, yep. Last entry aside, tragedy occured today, you've all heard, don't really have a lot to say, so that's that.

I'd read my last entry (well, last, last... erm, eh, yeah.), but that's a lot to read just to criticize. I will make now the point that I don't really find myself attracted to Maly now, but still do to Stella but not enough that it really matters, so, uh, yep. That's my scorecard. Sure do need a job. Sure am broke.

Oh, and my neighbors across the hall stole my computer. I'm gonna get him back, oh ho hoooooo. Bye!

Wednesday, September 12, 2001, 03:23 a.m.

Eh.
This is why I don't like to get drunk. The whole world goes to shit.

Ha ha.

Tuesday, September 11, 2001, 12:02 p.m.

A Perfect World.
Regardless of the past circumstances, it seems as if I've finally got myself figured out. For once I can say, well, at least I know myself. I figured this out in the shower. The best place for thinking things through.

I'll put it like this. Everyone lives in their own world. Their own world. The one, where everything is the way everything goes the way they want it, except, the real world where everything tends to go wrong, the one where everything just tends to go wrong. The one that doesn't match their world. The real world.

Everyone lives in their own world. Their perfect world where everything tends to end up screwing themselves at the end. Maybe it's not the total truth, but it's a major facet of that. Consider it the truth I've lived in.

I've come to realize that I've lived in the perfect world forever. Every day I talk to Stella it's just the same thing I went through a year ago, the perfect world I was living with Maly. The one in which I thought of myself as just a friend, but wanted something more. The world in which I thought I was the greatest guy ever and that I was untouchable. The world in which I was, you know, really a great guy.

You know, the best guy ever. I'm sure everyone feels that same way, the way that you can never be destroyed. The way you feel when you met someone that is complete, the way you feel when you meet someone that doesn't completely destroy you, the way someone feels as if they understand you. The way I feel right now.

As I see it, it's always the perfect world that I imagine. The perfect world, as I see it.

It's always the best of times that you imagine. It's the same with Maly. The perfect world that I always thought of, the one in which I was the hero and others were worthless.

It was that I've been searching for. Not so much just Maly in general, but that as a whole. I keep thinking of myself in the personal gain, not so much the future, but that in which I can gain the most in, that of which I can gain the personal belief in that I can believe myself in myself as a whole, that of which I've searched for a long time.

The thing with Stella has been a magnification. I've thought myself better as a person simply because I was talking with her, that I believed myself a better person simply because I was talking with her, That I thought myself invincible because of her, that I was searching for the same thing... again.

The same the way things are with Maly now. It's a simple repeat of the way things were with her a year ago. The way I felt I was a great person just because I had something (feeble in it's way), something intangible that was unrepeatable ever. That I felt myself better simply because of that I was me. And that me, I'll never be able to reproduce. It's something that I'll be able never to reproduce.

It's the perfect world. The one in which you create yourself in to be the perfect person to whatever situation you present youself to.

The way I see things with Stella is the same I feel with Maly a year ago. The way things are perfect for me but the way they aren't for other people. The way things that you think yourself the greatest, however aren't true in the ways that you KNOW aren't. The way in which you convince yourself that you're the greatest person ever to walk the soil of the earth, and yet you know you're not. The perfect world.

We all create our realities for ourselves, and that's completely understandable. And it's just that I live in it now, that it becomes a problem.

Now, I've understood that the life I've led since last August has become nothing more that a fascimile of what I've led before, the life in which I'm living in the perfect world.

It's the same as if with Maly, however, to myself, I know nothing's changed and it's just more of a problem to myself.

I have lived with Maly on the forefront of my mind for months now, almost a year, and it just took something to change that for things to be different. But have things really changed? It's just that now I'm obsessing over a different girl as opposed to my normal fixation of Maly. And have things really changed since then? I still think I'm the perfect guy for Stella, even when I know that's untrue. Things I've thought for months about Maly, it's just that they now apply to a different person.

It's the same now as it was before. It's become a habit to think that the person for you has become the one that's the hardest to attain, the one that's still a challenge. It's just that it's more of a challenge more than ever becuase it's ocme to the point in which it's more of a stalemate than ever, the one that it's impossible.

Maybe it's just me building Stella up more than it matters, in the way that it's worth giving up everything I've ever known just to be with her, but in a way I know that's untrue.

To myself, it's just a way to get away from Maly. It's a terrible thing to admit, but it's a truth in every sense of the word. It's a truth that I'll be unable to admit. Maly was my first love. And we really shared nothing but our troubles, and it's something as to which I'll admit. She changed my life, and it's something as to which I'll have to admit for the rest of my life.

I'm basically chasing Maly. The things in which we had, as little as they were, were as much as I'll be able to say. It's still a trouble to me, as because the idea of me loving Stella has just simply become me loving an idea. An idea which will never exist again.

The simple idea of me loving Stella has become more of that of an idea as opposed ot me simply knowing what's the truth. I've simply accepted it as so. Such is the way of life.

I've said before, what becomes of me and Maly and I has superceded that of which will become of me and Stella. And yet, I still know it true, because I believed of what I've had with Maly so much more than what I've believed of what me and Stella had. It's just become that much more of a distraction than what I've ever had with Stella.

to me, still, what becomes of me and Maly has been the precedant of what will ever become with me and someone else. Maybe it's the curse of the one you thought you'd loved, but then dismissed, but, for me, at least, it's never been something dismissed. It's always been a trait in my life, and I've learned to live with it.

And that's why I speak of "the perfect world." Something of which will never exist. It's something in life in which we'll never be able to attain, something of which we'll always be searching for. We (as a race!) always search for the thing that will make us complete. The thing in which will make us a being, as far as humanity goes. But, you know what? We'll never attain it.

I've seen it before, and I'll see it again. What with Damon and Stephanie, and Trey with MaryAnne, and again with Jeremy and Chirstine, as far as he'd hate to admit it, the KREW as a whole is built on the concept of a perfect world. The one in which we're content on believing that such a thing exists, and that we're all expecting that thing to exist.

But, you know what? Such a thing won't ever.

I can admit (finally), that my attraction to Stella was completely based on what I had with Maly, and that I'll have to live with that until I die. Such is the case when you love someone. I still love Stella, a great deal, but, as a whole, it's been a basic excuse to get away from the one that got away, the one that completely made me excuse all that I've gone through as a person and accept that I've loved someone forever, I've just been chasing that.

And chasing that has been a major point in my life. As far as I can consider, my life has been this past year, the one year in which I finally buckled down and considered what life has to offer. And the problem there has been that it's completely about Maly.

And while I hate to bring up Maly now, it's what I've been searching for my entire adult life. Maybe things will change in the next year, but, as far as I can tell, a year removed and I'm still feeling the same thing.

A year removed, and I'm still acrediting someone to which life for me doesn't really exist anymore. It's not so much the person as it is the idea.

We all like to think that there's a perfect world. We all like to think that there's something beyond the hand that we've been dealt at the moment, something beyond what we have now. Sadly, right now, I think that is Maly. And, also, sadly, it's something I'll live my life on forever. It's the thing in which I've tasted but never fully appreciated. The thing in which I've been tested on but never fully passed. The thing in which makes me feel incomplete. As such, it's a point in life. It's the time in which you feel incomplete about something else in your life that makes you feel incomplete as a person.

I guess it took me a while to realize this. That I've been chasing my own Amy throughout my life. The person that completes me, the person that makes me give a damn about living through the next day. And as much as I think about Stella, it's just something that makes me think that things could be better the way they are. The way in which you find something to keep going for, but the thing in which you find yourself inable to complete. Basically, I'm chasing my own Amy through this point, but, right now, it's a point of ill concern. I'm seeking Maly through everything that I do, through everything that I've done. I've been chasing something completely intangible, but through my own misdoings.

To me, that pretty much sums up my life up until now, as far as I've lived it. Maybe it's that I've based my life on something as intangible as the GKREW, Something in which you can't understand unless you've lived it. something in which, well, doesn't exist.

We like to think of ourselves as the outsiders. The ones that felt nothing but yet have experienced live, the ones that felt themselves as outcasts. But, really, we all were living in our own sort of paradise.

Which all tends to explain the perfect world. The one we create for ourselves. We all liked to think of ourselves as better than others, but, as life has told, it hasn't felt like this. It hasn't been the same as we imagined.

As such, I'd like to end everything. I love Stella through the same intangible things that I loved Maly, the things intangible that I always thought to myself that I could attain. It's basically the same thing, except I'm changing myself for someone else, the things that I thought never meant that much, however really did in the end. The ones that made me thing I thought everything was better in the greener pasture, and that I'd simply forget about the things I could have possibly had... in the greener pastures here.

And to myself, that's been a large problem in my life. How can things have been better at all? It's all in the perfect world.

The perfect world is the one we create. The one we live ourselves in until it becomes too much to bear. I've seen it myself and I've experienced myself, and I'm sure you all have experienced it before. The one in which you can find yourself happy in and believe it true. We all create it, it's how we keep on living till the next day. And it's the same reason we feel it all when it comes crashing down on us. The perfect world is one we create for ourselves, and there's no avoiding it. It's a trouble when we find ourselves stuck in it, and yet, it's the best we could possibly feel, even when we're at our lowest. It's the world we create in which there's no hardship to ourselves, despite what is happening around us. It's the one whe create when we're trying to live thinking that there's something that'll exist better than the existance we're living now. I know it's what I've created for myself. And it's one that I'll probably commit towards myself. However, it's one that I'll probably accept and live towards. It's a shame that such a thing exists. The promise of a perfect world, a promise that can only be broken. Well, it's just in our thoughts, and it'll be one that'll continue to be there. But such is life. I'm out.

Tuesday, September 11, 2001, 12:48 a.m.

A might underwhelming.
Another weekend, come and gone. The passage of time, how tis quick during the times of, uh, good times, I suppose.

It was good to see a couple of my friends up in town after a week or two of absence, but it kind of makes me wonder as to what little I'll have to be looking forward to here in the next few months. Everything seems to still be stuck in a planning stage of late, as opposed to acting towards creating any sort of resolution to the many problems I'm currently immersing myself in. But, oh well, there's always booze.

Monday, September 10, 2001, 02:29 a.m.

Sigh.
Allow me to say once and for all, I will never look through this pile of journal shite again. I make so many errors it makes me ill. Pah.

Thursday, September 6, 2001, 04:12 p.m.

Alcohol 1, justice 0!
Sigh. I really didn't want to have to do this, but here we go. Since that jerk Chris is such an assface, here is Logan Sharp, drunk. This is a little "entry" I made into my notebook, supposedly chronicling the times of "truly truly trashed writing." This is why you shouldn't drink, kids. Anyway, here it is, I'll be punching my eye right now.

It's 2:12 AM. Chris is writing in his journal, Johyn Chopp is being racist, Matt is calling me a silly. Tony poked me in the ass with a pencil. In short, times are good.

Today was a difficult day for me. I basically learned who my friends were and the ones that weren't. And really, that wasn't a good time.

And it all has to do with Stella (here comes the true alcoholism, kids. SIGH.), and that's a huge problem to me. I (undecipherable), at least I know that she likes me (drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk), and that I know that I've meet (?) a fantastic girl, and that it sucks having to know that we'll never have a relationship. This is a girl that's complete self-confident in knowing she's attractive, and that I know I'm personally well-off in knowing I can talk to her forever and enver get bored. (I'm having a lot of trouble reading this. drunkdrunkdrunkdrunk) But personally, I think that's a bad thing when you'll we 20 bours away from that person. (we 20 bours, I'm so great.)

I'll say it now, I'm all up for giving her the bestthingeverwhenever it occurs, whhanehnvh it's possible. But it's something I'll just never be able to do. It's somethign that's too difficult to go on with than to be r(circles)ally worth it.

And that's what gets me. (This should be my catchphrase! I use it all the time, especially when drunk!!!... really really drunk. Anyway.)

It gets me because I don't think I c(a on top of another a)n ever meet a girl like Stella ever again. One that docs te sme shit I do (even if it besomthing dumb like videogames), and then still being able to talk about shit. I dunnno, it really changed my life, and I'm glad forit.

The least I can honestly say about Stella is that she completely cha nged my life. I'm not lookig for a ahhchi ahomm, it's like I'm talking to someone I've known for a long time, atempt that they in gorgeous and (I think) (not any more, bucko.) understd me. It's ()wonderfuil feeling, and it's great that I can get along with someone so well, and not just be looking for someathialgj redeeming.

Anyone that's knoon me ahile talking to me knows this out's got more of a gamble (end transmission.)

...

...

I need a beer.

Thursday, September 6, 2001, 01:59 a.m.

Hi.
as it stands, things are pretty fucked up. That's all I've got to say about that.

Things as they're going are pretty weak right now, and it stands that I still love Stella. Sorry, it's the way things go!

Right now, I'm stuck in a turmoil. It reminds me a lot of last August. The way things suck and how they're not moving forward at all, and how it still ends up being the same.

I had a good talk today. With a friend I don't get a chance to talk to very often. It was great. However, I still feel as if something is missing. A central theme that I kind of find missing. But as Dinah Ross said , "you can't hurry love," and I guess that's just what I'll have to live with.

As of right now, things are pretty terrible. I mean, you can't enroll in college because the school you were taking fucked up? I never want to move again unless it's for real this time.

For once, it'd be nice to not be in control of things. For once, it'd be nice to have actual responsibility, and then completely ignore it. I guess it's just my outlook on life as it currently stands, but as it stands, I'd rather have nothing than it continue as it is.

Tommorrow, I go visit Damon. I hope to have a quality conversation with him, for once, without anything getting in the way. For once, talk to him without anything getting in the way. Talk to him, for once, as another human being stuck in the same rut I am. I mean, once you've got nothing, there's nowhere else to go but up, right?

I've also found it increasingly difficult to write in this pile without a bit of alcohol indulgence, but as far as it goes, it's felt pretty terrible. Maybe it's about time to call it quits on the whole alcohol system for good. I mean, puking is great and all, but when you have to force yourself to do it just to get a ride back home. That's a bit fucked up.

Which is why I'm a bit tired of life here in general. People tend to cling to the things that they're comfortable with, nevermind it being worthwhile. Myself, I'm about ready to throw in the towel. It's getting ridiculous. Maybe details to follow, but things are getting a bit out of hand. Eh, maybe it's just me, but if it were just me, I'd be a lot more drunk than I am now. Eh, c'est la vie.

Saturday, September 1, 2001, 04:31 a.m.

So it comes to this, eh.
Today, I think, I've finally hit the lowpoint in my life.

School didn't work out. I'm stuck another six months being without schooling because of a decision my parents made six years ago. That's certainly great. Another half a year before my life ever starts getting back on track? What a blast.

I received some nice words in my mailbox, and I would like to make it clear that this certain blog won't be ending any time soon, as far as I can say. I need to keep my writing ability alive, and fuck if I'm going to be writing about games for my whole life. I don't think that's something I want to pursue any longer, after working on, what, 4000 different game sites in the past three years? Blargh.

But as far as my life goes, it's going pretty terribly. Maybe that's why I've found myself clinging onto a fictional relationship with Stella for a while now? What, a month? Nigga please. I can only do so much dreaming in my life, why let it continue in a state of depression. Pffaw.

AS far as I go, I know I'd LOVE to have it happen for real, but it's all a futile dream. Space is a constant thing in your life, and even space barring, it's a total self-important dream anyway, and maybe I'll get over it. Probably not, since I'm such a sucker.

And as far as life goes here, it's more blaise then ever. As far as I can tell, Trey is stuck in a condrum of sorts with his on-again-off-again relationship of forever with Maryanne, and I think now he's starting to develop an attraction to Vanessa, of all people. Not that that's a bad thing, but I think Trey needs to look a bit farther in his view for what he's looking for. I mean, attraction's a great thing, but fuck a bunch of ideals, boy.

Heh. I just contradicted myself. Good times.

As a whole, however, I've been wondering as to what anything really matters in my life. If I do end up moving out of this state, how are things going to be different anywhere else? Looking for something tangible in a place unknown? I think I've gone through that before. And I don't think an event such as the Maly situation will occur again in another place now that I'm a bit more smart (yeah, that's real good grammar there), a bit more experienced, that there won't be a really huge rebirth again. It'll be more life as usual, which is kind of irritating. However, it's more of a truth. Why am I always expecting a revelation of sorts from the greener pastures?

I blame it on my upbringing, but that's another thing altogether.

I've consumed about half a bottle of vodka already, and I'm still barely buzzed. What terrible times.

Regardless, I would like to again discuss the point of things always being better. Specifically, those things in the future being better. Those things that you will experience somewhere else being... better. It's been a reoccuring theme lately. Damon's gone now, for that promise. Trey's constantly thinking about that promise, and many others. And I won't lie, I'll say the same thing about myself. The promise of things unreachable to yourself will always be better to those where you are. I hope that made sense, but it probably didn't. Such is life.

Heh. I guess it's not really until now that I've really begun to question the effects of the greener grass over there, eh. It all has to hit at once. I really hate August.

Well, maybe things will look up. There's always Maly, I guess. Ho ho. Things are getting more complex as they become more simple, I guess it's another facet on life. Another post-it note to an already filled bulletin board, eh. The whole effect is personally sickening.

Most of my "good" entries have been under the influence of alcohol, and this one really isn't much of an exception. Sigh.

I need to kick that habit. What good is having writing ability when you can't do it without liquid creativity? Sigh. I don't think I could make a living out of writing, it'd just make me an alcoholic.

As if I'm not already.

So, right now, I'm kind of just stuck here. Stuck chasing the things I could have elsewhere, the friends and the relationships I could have elsewhere, the things I could chase elsewhere without any attachments. Of course, such is not the case, and it won't be the case anywhere I go. I guess I just have to hit rock-bottom again. Isn't three enough? I thought I made that rule before.

I guess rules don't really apply to anywhere when it'd matter. It's still survival of the fittest, after all these thousands of years of evolution. Maybe it's just the weak side of me, the side with the constant worrying and the constant thought of "escape. ASAP." But, also I think there's no real reason to worry about it. It's just another thing to live through. I guess it's just another year of rough livin' and hard drinkin' for me. Maybe it'll come out with better results this time.

Tuesday, August 28, 2001, 12:13 a.m.

Hear no Evil, Seeno Evil
Since things are pretty slow, I'm typing this entry with my eyes closed. Get ready for fun!!!

I move back into the parents's house this week. Not really looking forward to moving, but it'll be good to get out of this shithole.

Hopefully things will pick up in the next couple of weeks, it's getting pretty bored since I'm stuck in HOO PARTY TIME when there's no real party time to be had. Sad but true.

The coming week looks to be: get new and improved TEXAS DRIVERS LICENSE on monday, get bitched out t about school for the rest of the week, Ryan of Austin's party on Saturday. I'll probably end up getting schnockered, but it might be fun!! who knows!

Peace, I'm out.

Sunday, August 26, 2001, 05:06 a.m.

Well. That's it. We're gone. Best not clock me, cuz we be gone.

Within the next three days, Damon will be peace out, and I'm out of my apartment. Damon claims that the krew is not over, and I'd agree to extent. We're still friends, it's just that we're no longer the GKREW, you know. Being that, well, what we had is pretty much gone. But, maybe it's not the end.

Maybe it's just another beginning. We've all got to get rid of things in our lives, and that's why some of us have passed on. Not that they've REALLY passed on, it's just that they're not around anymore. Maybe it's just a new start.

So to this, goodbye GKREW. Chapter 1 is over now. It's about time for Chapter 2, eh? Chapters 3 and 5, actually. We had an intense tightness, one with friends that we won't be able to be so tight with in the future. Sure, we're just a phone call, an instant message, a road trip away. We can create new stories of krew adventures, new memories of the great times we had with great friends.

So to chapter 2, that we'll all enjoy a Miller Time together again! We're still the crew, mothafuckers, and don't you forget that. Peace, boys.

Thursday, August 23, 2001, 05:00 a.m.

Hoho
So guys, I know we all wrote those drunken journal entries, but mine was too weak for words. I'll tell you about it later. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho~

Wednesday, August 22, 2001, 05:43 p.m.

Luv to all.
I apologize for any misspellings involved in this entry. I'm kind of drunk.

Times are turbulant. With people looking into things far more than they should, people being disappointed with the way others act, people acting as if the next moment is the only thing that matters. Times that make one wonder why we're all friends in the first place.

So now, I issue my challenge. Now is the time to say whatever the hell you want at any time. This doesn't neccessarily aimed towards just the GKREW, but all those I know. Do what you want, say what you mean. The time for bullshit has ended, kids, time to get down to the real business.

Like Chris said in his journal, but to a much lesser extent, I use this journal as a method to inform. It is a means for one-way communication in which others may participate if they need fit. Here is a forum for my own arguments to be unscathed and for others to interpret.

While some have been reading FARRRR too much into this journal (the last one and the one about Maly which featured incorrect Elvis lyrics being the most notable examples), this is a forum to let out what I have on my mind. That of which is not fit for discussion and is meant to be kept to the journal. And the best entries always occur while under the influence of alcohol.

Reading other people's journals is always such a downer for all the right reasons. There are those that are undeniably angry at the world and the things that are happening that it makes it such a chore, and there are those that are so undeniably happy it, at times, makes one ill(talking to FlaaB here, baby!).

Not that there's anything wrong with either. In all examples, the journal exists as to tell the world what is going on with one's life. If you want to fill it with moping and despair, than so be it. If you want to fill it with the things that make you glad to be alive every day, then so be it. Hell, if you want to talk about what you've done at every minute of the day, then so be it. Not that any of it really constitutes good reading in the first place.

Myself? I'll shortly be done with the internet. I've found nothing but boredom and depression in it for a couple months now, and I feel really no reason to continue with it. Why spend your time with it when you can be doing something productive in the first place? those already with chicks need not apply to this.

And I will state, although it's been applied (to those who understand my writing = me), I feel no hatred or harbor no hate to those with journals, it's just that it's about time to move on. When you spend a lot of your time just looking at websites for just a modicum of information, you tend to think "what else could I be doing INSTEAD of wasting all this time 'chattin''". Oh well, c'est la vie.

This week is my last real week of being alive. Being a concentious, condescending human being. Being one with "all the world entails." I personally think it's for the best. While #db has gone through it's good and bad times through the years, it's about outlived it's usefulness. Hell, IRC as a whole has about outlived it's usefulness as giving one a reason to move on. I mean, I could have something with someone I rarely ever see or instead focus the hours and hours I spend online on something worth working for. The internet is basically a dead-end job, and one without pay.

But as for doom and gloom, I pass it on to the rest. Enough time bothering registering one's thoughts on it.

Myself, I'm having a great time with everything. I enjoy myself wherever I go. Except for the internet. It's kind of like I'm married to it, but don't really get any of the benefits. While I treasure the friends and relationships I've gotten from it, I kind of feel as if it's not really worth bothering with at the moment. It's like something you can put a lot of time into and really gain nothing from it. Unless you just want to be an IRC fag, and that's great if that's what you want.

So I'll end this section of thought with a shout-out to all the cats I care about. Some harsh, some enjoyable.

To Matt, Chris, Sherwin, and Jason: you're great guys. I'll keep in contact.

To Kenshin: dude, grow up. I mean friggin do something. Christ. I don't even really know what to say, just... DO SOMETHING!!!!

To Junta, Navi, and the rest of the Boston cliques: you guys seem to get around a whole lot, why not make something of it? You seem to make the computer a large part of your life and why? It seems like you're all the same person as you were when I first met you, and it's still pretty weak.

And to the rest of you: christ, how fun can it really be? None of you really spend a whole lot of time outside of your IRC excitement, maybe you should work a bit harder to get a real life as opposed to the one you play on IRC.

The last statement excludes the great guys, like delta, who work at something else besides gaining their piece of internet stardom. And really, I don't know where I'm going with this whole bit. I kind of wish I hadn't made it all, but oh well!! Life is rough, tough luck kids.

But anyway, on with my life. Things are growing more complicated, which is why I wish now that I don't drink in the first place. I can really only enjoy my time with my friends and the time I spend with the person online that I actually enjoy talking to on alcohol, and it's getting pretty weak. It kind of reminds me about times the way they were last summer, the times in which I'd just take a lot of alchohol just to be able to enjoy myself. Dude, that shit ain't right.

Maybe it's a dependence on friends the way they are and not having to really be friends except that you've got alchohol around and they have not. As a whole, it's kind of bitchmade. At times, I really wonder if anything I've done has really been worth it, but now I also think that it really has.

I mean, I feel better than I ever have before, and the things I've depended on the past have just turned into more of a downer. Hell, I think I'd have stopped smoking if I didn't have my badass lighter. And really, alcohol has just gotten kind of boring. And I wonder if it's just my situation, or if it's just that I've grown out of the times in which "everything is MORE fun with alcohol." I'm really not sure, I'm still pretty dumb when it comes to things not involving real smarts.

Which is why I like this journal. I can act as high and mighty as I want, and not have any real reprecussions. It's FANTASTIC!!!

But as a whole, I'm at a crossroads. What do I do about Stella? What do I do about Maly? What do I do with the other girls in my life? What do I do about the other friends in my life? What do I do about any real schooling I may have in my future? What do I do about any job I might have? That's basically the concern in my life as a whole at the moment, in that order. But personally, nothing really bothers me. I'm too happy right now to ruin it with this alcohol business. Gone are the days when I'm proud to drink anyone under the table, now are the times in which it's time to buckle up and just have fun. I mean, right now I really have nothing stopping me except my own questioning. And when I don't have to use alcohol to stop that questioning, it's great.

This journal has gone on realllly long, and for good reason. For many intents and purposes, it's a goodbye. For the very few that read this, where else can you get such commentary from everyone's favorite alcoholic? However, it's just about time to move on. When you're not having fun with substance abuse, you know there's a problem.

Monday, August 13, 2001, 04:25 a.m.

B5 and the Aftermath.
So have you ever had a reawakening. A type of change that only occurs after a period of learning about yourself and the things you entail? The things you thought were true but really aren't? The things that make you wish you hadn't really lived at all because of the things you're currently experiencing?

I recently had that feeling. And it all has to do with that B5 thing. Life has gotten so much different and, shall I say, BETTER since then. I feel much more happy knowing about myself and the things I've learned and experienced and the things I knew to be true after that time.

While I did simply ok in the tournament itself (top 32, I believe, in ST and peace out first round to someone I can take out any day in CvS), I had a great time. While I'd like to say I owe it all to Stella, well, I do, so thanks a lot!!! It was a great time and a great period in my life. Thanks a bunch.

The day in which I played nothing and really didn't do a whole lot at all was the most fun for me. It was just about the time in which I really just gave up on video games as a whole and started experiencing life and how enjoyable it is. It's really a great thing.

And I think it's fitting. Read back a while, and you may see something about the world suffering as I enjoy myself, and I totally find it true. Everyone else around me is currently experiencing some sort of hardship at the moment. What with Matt and Chris's current netfeud of sorts, to Damon's constant worrying about his current girlfriend of a few days, and Trey's worrying about his girlfriend of a lot of months, and the total amount of shit being flinged around the "krew" of late, I kind of feel responsible for the misfortune I've caused other people. But myself? Havin' a great time. Went to a party for the goodbye of Janalyn from her friends at work, and it was wonderful. I've found I've just basically had fun with everything that's gone on that I can't really feel bad or feel I'm not trying hard enough with anything. Just feelin' too damn good.

With Chris and Matt's imminent arrival in Dallas, I think it's kind of sad that they're both having trouble with each other, and I feel maybe a bit responsible. I dunno why, it's just my way, and of late, I've kind of thought, "dude, fuck girls."

While I kind of symphathize with Chris on his point of there not being enough girls around, I kind of feel it's my point to find them. But of late, they've just kind of happened to find me. Maybe it's just a streak of good luck, but how can that happen with so many terrible things happening around me? I think it's just that schools starting so it's time for the world around me to feel my pain for a bit. Or whatever, I'm happy.

So I end this journal with not a note, but my new philosophy. Enjoy life while you can. For some it may be too late to simply enjoy the freedom gained by not having anything else to care about, but for myself, well, it's great. I have no real cares or worries in the world, nothing to really look forward to, nothing really to mope over, nothing to think about, nothing to dream about, it's a great time. For me, and it should be for the rest of you. This is Logan Sharp, with another depth into my pretty psyche. I think the rest of you should all have pretty psyches too. It makes life all the much more beautiful. Peace, brothas.

Sunday, August 12, 2001, 05:56 a.m.

Yeah it does.
Let me repeat how horridly disappointed I am with my last update. It sucked.

Nothing of note really, except for B5 this week. So I'll comment on another thing: Mr. Chopp's most recent entry into his place on the world of weblogs. It appears to be a cryptic "mean people suck" update, but aren't journals supposed to be something for where you talk about things instead of being cryptic and wacky and FULL OF MYSTERY??? PERHAPS!!

I can't wait till B5 is done with because then I will never have to play MvC2 or CvS again. THE END~

Thursday, July 26, 2001, 03:20 a.m.

Uh.....
Well, I read it, and I would have to apologize for my terrible, terrible grammar and to Tony, who I'm not sure if he read it even, but I have no fucking clue what I meant there. I think I AM retarded. Maybe that means I'll reach my true goal of being in the Special Olympics??? YEEHAW.

Anyway, to recap, I am a moron. End.

Thursday, August 23, 2001, 06:47 a.m.

Jigga what?
Dude. I have no idea what the hell I was talking about in my last entry. In fact, I'm not going to read it for fear of me saying, "man, I'm a moron." And that's that.

Thursday, August 23, 2001, 06:45 a.m.

Hi.
Although this is minutes after the last entry, things happen a lot quicker when you're drunk.

Those things include the ultimate being for this page.

That the time of forgiveness.

This will most likely be the last entry for a while, so pay attention.

To Damon, I'm sorry I underestimated you. You are as complex a being as I, and things will only worsen yourself in your new homestead. I wish you the best of luck.

To Vanessa, I hope you finally learn about life and maybe act a bit more your age. Some things are out of your control, but your life is yours to lead so make sure to make the best of it.

To Tony, best of luck with your new life and keep it real, otherwise, you're nothing.

To Matt, good luck in all your endeavors, I'm incredibly glad that you're happy as can be with your situation, best of luck for the future.

To Sherwin, best of luck in everything that you do, nad you do it well. Make sure to make something of your life, and I will always be hoping for your good fortune. Keep it real.

To Jason, hard times come to everyone, and I'm sure you'll be able to live through it. Keep aiming for the best, and you'll get it. You've got the heart, just keep it towards your true goals. Best of luck.

To Chris, you're probably the person I trust the most in my journey to self-discovery, and to that I thank you. I look forward to seeing a true third-party within Dallas once your visit has arrived, and the best of luck towards you and your goals towards happiness.

To everyone else, thanks. For letting me be the person I have becmoe, for letting me be the person I have owned you all with.

All of you be warned. I am the most dominant person you'll ever meet, and let you all remember that. Peace out.

Wednesday, August 22, 2001, 04:42 a.m.

Here we go!
As I sit here, listening to songs of inspiration and excitement, the songs that make us remind ourselves of who we are, I think "what a bunch of shit."

To those that know, keep on doing what you're doing, it'll keep you real. But only those that know.

And to those that apply(and you know wh you are), I miss you. To those that apply, I love you.

And to those that apply, I say fuck you. While I can't change the way I feel, this is about the best I can do. The best I can do is a mild F-you to the lot of you. While I can do the best I can regardless, there is the one aspect in which I cannot.

And to those that apply, I miss you both. And to that, I add that I'm sorry. But the only thing that applies to the lot of you is "P.P.R."

Take on me, I'll be gone, in a day otr two. Respect that. Because it's the basic of life, you know? That of which you can't predict or understand, that of which you can't comprehend but yet still belive the basics. Smile a little smile and just understand the good times. That's the basic fay I feel.

It's funny, what we could love. Yo outz.

Wednesday, August 22, 2001, 04:24 a.m.

Vodka? Yes, please.
As I sit here, typing YET ANOTHER buzzed update, it's caused me to think about a few things. Allow me to elaborate.

Things within the "krew" have gotten a bit out of hand. I use the word "krew" because this is finally the time the GKREW dies. It's been a good run and all, but it's time for the final chapter in the life of the krew.

Through the good times and the bad, the easy and the hard, it's difficult to let old memories control your life. As such, the GKREW has ceased to be. Damon's moving to Austin now because he's an idiot and thinks he'll escape all the drama by leaving town (note to all: he was responsible for most of it), Janalyn leaving as well for greener pastures (note: your stuck-up attitude was the cause for most of your problems anyways), Mark going to UNT (note: no real problem with Mark, just another excuse for him not being around all the time), Aaron being all but gone from our circle (note: pot gets boring), and friends not being around, it's hard to call it much of a "krew" now.

And with that, farewell. With a third of the original krew being gone, and another member being gone in a different way, it looks like I'm the only one left. As far as other friends, who ever really sees a lot of Jordan anymore, same with Mr. Lewallen, and the rest don't really fit into the swing of things, as far as I'm concerned.

To me, at least, GKREW was less of "people that live in grapevine that are friends that also occasionally go to #db," but more of an ideal. There were these people. And sure, they weren't the most popular people, but they had a sense of belief in themselves and the people they were. Of course, it devolved into more of a dependence on each other than anything, but hey, it was something. Now, they're gone.

Who's left? Me, Trey, John Chopp, and Mike Vo. Tony'll be gone until he's single again, and everyone else is more of a friend than anything. No reason to really include everyone you meet in your close group of friends thing. Like some people. But, anyway.

So this is a fond farewell to the krew. Through the good times and the bad, those that made you strong and those that made you weak, the times you wished you were gone and the times you are glad you stayed, those that made you a giant and those that made you humble and meek. So long, GKREW, you're all a bunch of cowards.

Cowards you say? But those are your friends! Allow me to elaborate.

There are those that run from their problems and those that face them. GKREW is neither. They are those that both accept them and bitch as well. Call us spineless, but that's what they are. Maybe when they're forced to live upon their own again will they understand why the KREW came together in the first place. But I doubt it.

To those that wonder, I share no love for those that are gone. I wish them neither good luck nor bad, but plainly, a "ha." You think things are better on that side of the fence? Always escaping to the pasture that's greener and more promising. Hey, that's what growing up is all about.

Sometimes, you finally realize what you've got and haven't. What you've achieved and what has been merely a waste. The times when you think about things and then say to yourself, "well, maybe things aren't going so right after all," the times when you think about making a change. To some, the change is a relocation, to others, a reawakening.

So to those that are leaving, you're cowards. If you were reading this now, you'd understand a lot more if you were in my shoes. As the one that listens to everything with nary a complaint, as the one that pretty much faces the blunt of your problems. You're weak now, and you likely will be. Although it's odd, to see such kindred spirits leaving at the same time. Not so much in the way that they're meant to be together, but more in the way that they're both weak. Both so close-minded. Those that are unable to accept the way things are and the way things will be. The ones that seek a change through nary a personality or mental change, but to those that think things are better elsewhere. And to those people, I say "fuck ya'll bitches, you ain't never met a crew that can get so live." And, with that, I say good-bye to the haters, good-bye to the jerks, good-bye to all the shit you put me through, good-bye to the shit I'll still have to endure. I say good-bye to the ones who make the trouble, good-bye to the ones that refuse to fix it. Good-bye to the complainers and good-bye to those that must escape their problems. Maybe you'll grow up someday, but I doubt it.

Just don't come crying back.

-

I kind of went on a little longer there, but things are a bit easier under the influence of alcohol. It's a great thing, that. But when such shallow people start to complain about the shallowness of their surroundings, it starts to bite.

As such, things are going the same as usual. I think this journal would be a lot more boring if I weren't around!

Real good, moron.

But anyways, all you bustas keep kickin' it through the y2k1, ya'll.

Sunday, August 19, 2001, 02:46 a.m.

I like things.
So it appears my last journal entry hit a couple others HARD!!!!!!! HARD AND FAST!!! JUST LIKE THE SHARP EXPRESS!!! CHOO-CHOO!!!

But allow me to explain. When shitty things happen in my life, I tend to expect it to be nothing more than the curse of a week. You see, I have week-long streaks of good and bad luck. For instance, terrible things will happen all week one week, and then the next week I'll have incredible good fortune. It's funny but it always tends to work out that way.

While I'm not really spouting any previous examples, I'll just have to let it be true. Of course, now, I choose to vent out my frustations on this stupid pitas page, and then laugh it off. Because things are funnier when you're drunk, I suppose. But such is life.

Today was weird. In many ways. I guess it really wasn't, and I'll have to blame any luck I had on the fortune of the week. As to be expected once it hits Sunday. ALTHOUGH maybe my streak lasted a bit longer because yesterday I had a pretty terrible time trying to drive to Austin with friend Skye. Because of traffic. But at the end of the day, at 12:00AM, I had a wonderful time driving back and talking with Skye, so maybe I'm a hoss and that's that.

Maybe one day I'll beat Ranking 3 on 3rd Mix, but it's not likely on the worst machine ever. Peace.

Tuesday, July 17, 2001, 01:54 a.m.

Got any gum?
A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Life is funny sometimes. Not funny in the "ha-ha" way, but more funny in the "ha-ha you lose" way.

So as I sit here, my face reddened by the alcohol which I forced myself to vomit, I wonder what really makes life such a bizarre and tricky thing. Streaks of good luck countered by those of extremely terrible luck, streaks of bad luck countered by those of good fortune, it's really a marvelous thing, really.

As I sit here, thinking of the gross misfortune I've been infected with, I can do nothing but chuckle. Maybe it's the despot in all of us, but I guess it's that I'm at the point that nothing possibly could be worse at the moment. And when I say nothing possibly could be worse, I mean it this time, BABY!

To recap. Ever since my brush with misfortune on the highways of LA, things have been going wrong left and right. Miss your flight? Well, too bad you get crushed not once but TWICE, BOY! Add to that my moving out of my apartment to back home, well, KRACKOOM!!!! Tough luck Sharp, you've lost this round.

But now I sit, chuckling, thinking of what can happen. Maybe another more terrible occurance? Nah, I doubt it. More like, "tough luck, God! You can't keep a good soldier down!" Or maybe I'm just rambling.

But the fact of the matter is this, "fuck you world, you lose." Wise words spoken by a great man. I can see nothing better at this point then my total deconstruction of stand-bys and wishes, because now I'm pretty much stuck with nothing more to wish for in my current situations with life, love, and all the tribulations in-between. It's about time that I pack up and move on from the current cavalcade of enjoyment.

Maybe I was a fool for believing in a lost cause, a battle lost before the first shot. The cold war fought with no one but myself. Hey, in the words of another great man, "you can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather." Or maybe I'm just a moron. Too much vodka.

...

No, I think I'm just a moron.

Man, nothing seems to be away from my grasp of failure these days. As typing this, another funny thing failed me, making my questioning on life rather deserved. Maybe it is time to give life a furious german suplex after all. Or maybe it's time to repeat myself a bit more. So in the words of the greatest mind ever known, I will end with this. "Kick, punch, it's all in the mind." You motherfuckers best remember this. Peace.

Sunday, July 15, 2001, 04:53 a.m.

Mystical? Maybe.
So anyway, I never talked about how AX was. It was good fun. Saw some people who I wished were more local so we could hang out more, and got drunk, of course. It's the cool kid thing to do.

There was a DDR tournament. Allow me to go off a bit on how poorly run these things are. If you're going to have a tournament, determining how well you play the game, then you should be allowed to pick your own FUCKING SONGS!!!! Or have them pick it for you!!! EACH PICKING THEIR OWN IS GAY!!!!!!!! That's all. Also, DDR tournaments are gay. End.

That's about it for now. Peace.

Saturday, July 14, 2001, 04:22 a.m.

Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad, song.
At times, have you ever wondered what you're doing with your time? Your life? Your existance? It's been a question that's currently been on my mind, and I really have no true idea how to answer it.

It's kind of like I know I have something, I just don't know what it is yet. It's kind of like an unwrapped Christmas gift, you think you know what's inside, but you're not really sure. It's kind of like, shitty.

My life has been full of uncertainty at the moment. There's kind of been a question of "what next," and "what now" at all times in my head. I know I should get a job, but where? How? The constant questioning has become a reoccuring event in my mind. What for? Well, I'm not really sure.

I don't really know why trying to find a girlfriend has become such a big issue either. I can't really place my finger on it, but it's become much more of an issue at the moment. And with the one I was shooting for becoming further and further out of grasp, it's caused more of an inner commotion. Not so much that I thought it would happen, but more that I don't really have anything to fall back on.

It's really been sort of a condrum. We still talk, but I wonder if it really means anything, and while I'm doing it, I don't ever know if I really have a goal or a purpose in mind. Maybe it's simply for emotional support, or something more pathological, but it's still kind of a downer. I mean, wouldn't you want something to bank on in times of trouble? WOULDN'T YOU?

But anyway, it's kind of depressing. Someone knows a girl that I'm kind of interested in the moment, and we'll see if we can make something happen there. Or maybe not, depending on my fluctuating mood! This is Logan Sharp, signing off.

Friday, July 13, 2001, 02:57 a.m.

FlaaB.
FlaaB. YOU SUCK. Get your ass back to Canada, chump. Love it or leave it.

Friday, June 15, 2001, 02:58 a.m.

http://www.corpnews.com
What with this long period in journal updating, I'm sure the viewers in radio land are all PISSED. PISSED.

I like CvS because I win. But I don't like it because I lose to Skye. And King is a HOSS. CvS2 is a great game.

Not a whole lot has been going on lately, except THE MALL. AND THE MALL IS THE PLACE TO BE, ask the high school.

And to FlaaB, I already have a Game Boy Advance. In fact, I have MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE. And besides, I'm going to own you all at Super Turbo, if it comes out by then. Movie at 11. But regardless, I intend to destroy you all with Beartank if you ever get Konami Krazy Racers, which is really the only fun multiplayer game out at launch. F-Zero doesn't count and Chu Chu Rocket is gay. And I'm certainly not buying another Dodge Ball because I have two already. So that means you = suck and I = rule.

And I'll end this FASCINATING UPDATE with a report on CorpNews and how it is now down and how Mr. Poppinfresh does not contact me. Does this mean no AX press pass? noooooooooooooo. It also means no work. I win.

I thought I was going to say a lot more in this update, but instead I'm not going to. So the winner is Capitalism, yet again. This is Logan Sharp, signing off.

Tuesday, June 12, 2001, 04:34 a.m.

Wise man say.
It's a shame about the last journal entry. It was kind of a thing that I didn't plan on posting, but did anyway. But that's what makes online journals CRAZY!!!!!!!!!

Things have seen... no progress whatsoever(haw haw), but it's getting much more bearable by the day, which is good I suppose because I have other more important things to worry about (a first, believe me!).

Things are ridiculously hectic at the moment. Or, would be, if I didn't decide to procrastinate. Still need to write the (a week removed) CorpNews Article, still need to finish applying for job-fun, and still not done with school(blarghx2). A-Kon being this weekend isn't much more help either. No Cable? What a fucking joke!!!

I later learned that I completely made up lyrics to a song. Boo 2 me.

But anyway, I'll put more work into personal matters within the next week or so. Better clear some other wacky shit up first!!! Like getting money so I may eat.

And now... JOURNAL RECAPS.

There aren't any. You'll all lazy bastards. ACCEPT AND DECEASE, JERKS.

So anyway. A friend from Minnesota came down for the weekend, which is fun to see friends but less fun with taggin'along. Er, yeah. Taggin'along, real good. Sigh. No wonder I'm gay.

Anyway, I've been drinking a bit more lately and notice I'm getting buzzed awful easy. Which rulz. Because, honestly, it's Miller Time.

I've realized I've spent more time gunking up this stupid thing with more paragraphs than a nine-tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs. So bye, jerks.

Wednesday, May 30, 2001, 04:04 a.m.

It's like a gun but more painful.
It's when things all come together that it all starts to go wrong, isn't it

Talk about the most hectic month of my life

- Nebraska trip, in which minay things are planned, but nothing actually occurs

- The Big E3, where many things are promised, but none delivered.

- Finally, ending my monk-hood and calling Maly with hopes seeming high.

- And then, talking to Maly again and having those hopes instead punch me in the gut.

And now is where I'm really stuck. I suppose it's what happens when you actually learn what's important to you. Earlier today, my main thoughts were those of how neat-o Smash 2 is going to be, and now it's simply, "What the fuck to do now, huh."

I suppose it's more than the normal situation, that of being completely arone while surrounded by firends. What I feel now is utter, utter emptiness. It's gotten to the point where I guess I'll just have to act.

Now that the road trip to New Jersey has officially ceased existance (for the secound year in a row), I've run out of places to escape to. And it's become that the only release now is, well, writing, but it's not a whole lot of help to me. Advice is near futile at the moment, as the only advice I get is "find someone else." Actually, all my friends give me shitty advice. Maybe it's just something I don't wnat to hear, or maybe I'm just as dumb as the rest of you. I think it's the latter.

Being in love is a difficult thing. I find it's much less of the good and a hell of a lot more of the bad. It's what hurts more than the greatest pain, it's what keeps you up at night writing stupid journal entries, hoping you'll get some relief.

However, I sometimes wonder what the point of it all really is. Not that I've ever contemplated suicide, but this kind of feels like what it would be like. The utter loss of oneself, eh. I suppose in the grand cycle of my life, I wonder if it's even worth bothering with. But if it's somethign that hurts this much now, I can only think of how bad it'll be later.

As I think about my life, of that which I truly cherish, this past year of turmoil and rebirth, I usually affix songs to the moments, or, rather, periods (or in this sentence, commas) of my life, that help sum it up. When this whole ridiculous ordeal occured (the first time, haw), it was "Two of Me in My Heart" by Yukie Nakama, the Haunted Junction opening. It was mostly about, uh, well, I forget. Something about not really knowing who you are and love and such nonsense. Fit rather well. After, near its end, part one, it was A-ha's "Take on Me," which signified my wanting to change the current situation, getting it all out, and being shot down like bombs.

...

And after all that, nothing.

I'd have to guess that it's either my forgetting of my previous deeds, or my complete disinterest in them as a whole. Perhaps it really is simply that important to me. However, it's happened again, and the only parts of the song I care for seem to constantly echo in my mind.

"So hold me close... only fools rush in... but I... can't... help... falling in love... with... you"

Pardon the sappiness (is that even a word?), but it's just the way I feel at the moment. I guess I'll just have to go for broke and give it my all... for once. Maybe see to it that I win, for once, cause God knows it hasn't happened before.

I'll just have to assume the motto of my name sake (ugh... I thought I'd never have to say this in seriousness for both the sake of myself and the written word in general): "I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do ain't pretty."

I sure hope it isn't failing, this time.

Logan Sharp, signing off.

Friday, May 25, 2001, 05:14 a.m.

E3: Like Green Apple Starbursts.
So I am officially a member of CorpNews now. A writer for the console section as "Mr. Akumajo." Thanks go to Steve, who is a great guy, and I anxiously await his return this week.

As far as E3 went, it was pretty lame. The most enjoyable time I had was hanging out with Sherwin and Chris, and it was great to see Allen and Rhona there as well. The Expo itself, however, was gayx2. You can browse around in a day and see everything you need to. Not being press would be realllly boring, I thinks.

Chris: Went forth and forcast shows good weather with slight chance of showers. Over.

Stephen Agnew was stood up by a whore. You'll never get lower than that. Peace.

Monday, May 21, 2001, 05:10 p.m.

G-Krew! Sanjou!
Eh. I suppose you never notice the things you have till they're gone, I suppose. After being stuck in K-town for the past, uh, 3 days, I kind of noticed how much I missed going to Taco Bell at 12:30AM, hoping you get through the drive-thru in time before the bastards close early on you. Or staying up till 4AM playing Armored Core 2 trying to become Nine-breaker. Other stupid shit that, now looking back on it, I kind of depend on.

It now being Thursday, it looks like Steve is gone from G-Krew now. Looking at his problems, I see a lot of parellels with his thoughts and the way my mother thinks about Nebraska. Hell, they even said the exact same damn things about Wal-mart: the dead look on the faces that say "god, we're here forever." It's funny in a way. I'll miss you a lot man, we never proved who had the higher samurai spirit, did we?

Gloom and doom aside, the thing that MAY have happened did not happen because I was far too fucking tired. I passed out at 8:30 due to boredom. So weak. I'm thinking that it MAY happen today because I MAY not be so tired, or MAYbe not. Depends on if I work up the effort. At least school's done for now. A true summer? I think I'll still be haggled about getting a job. Still need to write that review for CorpNews also. Fooey.

I think I'll dig up some more JOURNAL RECAPPIN' FUN now and touch on a subject that Mr. McDougall touched on, and is the entire basis of the emulation "scene." That being the whole "nostalgic games" bit, particularly the "games aren't fun anymore" clause. I would have to disagree entirely, and have to simply say "you're not a kid anymore." Games don't quite have the magic they used to for a lot of people, because they were (especially the internet kidz) basically raised by games. It's a lot like the people who were "TV kidz" or "radio kidz" way back when. The stuff that was back then was better because that was when it was, well, I stopped caring about the argument. Regardless, new games are good, however I'll have to say that all games made in the US now are total shit. And there's a real simple explaination for it, and it can be summed up with a simple question, followed by a comment. "How many games are licensed now?" and "Name more than 5 that aren't that came out in the past year." You'll have a pretty hard time doing it. In fact, I don't even think I can name a PSX game not based on a license that game out this year. Simpsons Wrestling, Mat Hoffman Pro BMX, whatever you want. There's no original content in US games anymore, it honestly makes me ill. The only non-licensed game made in the west that I can name is Fear Effect 2. And that's not a good thing.

Self-important nonsensical game ramblings aside, I'd like to throw a shout-out to all my DFWiens. Keep it real, jerks.

Thursday, May 10, 2001, 09:23 a.m.

The Best Game Ever.
Stuck in Nebraska for the next week. Yee-haw. I'll need to write that CorpNews piece sometime while I'm here, so I can get me an E3 pass and weap the wealth of fun. I wonder if I'll be able to get onto the net from there so I can upload GREAT FANTASTIC PICS from my GREAT FANTASTIC CAMERA(notecameranotfantasticnorgreat).

That's really about it. More fascinating things may happen in the next couple of days. MAY happen. MAYBE. keyword MAY. Why will be reported. Peace.

Wednesday, May 9, 2001, 01:41 p.m.

CVS HYPER EXHIBITION!! GO ADAM!
Well, well, well. Looks like that bastard Matt Kahlor had to steal my recapping journals idea. Bastard.

Good news, middling news and bad news today. Mr. Poppinfresh of CorpNews fame informed me that I will be able to write for their new Console game section, which means E3 plans may not be off after all. Middling news is that I don't know if I can get E3 passes at all, and the bad news is that I'll have to immediately drive home from Nebraska in order to catch my plane to LA which leaves from Dallas. My parents get home on the 15th. I leave for LA on the 16th. No fun to be found there. I should work out though.

I've got more to add on Beatmania 4th Style. While I'm still rather soured on the game, it does have its high marks, mostly in the genre of "WHAT I LOVE MOST ABOUT BEATMANIA~." Upon completing my cable modem dominance, I went to go play the game on a song that I felt I could beat had I not been lazy, era Step Mix Real. And then I beat it and I was happy. Later in the day, I was able to beat Final Countdown Real and again I was happy. Beatmania, while difficult, gives you a huge sense of accomplishment when you do actually complete a song. While there is no tangible reward, a large sense of mental accomplishment is gained by doing something which before seemed impossible. Futile gains of a dork, I suppose.

I saw the 25th episode of Love Hina last night. Left me sour in the way it's going (or is now over?). I had heard episode 25 was the last episode in the anime, but it doesn't seem proper to leave the series so unresolved. I also read the 9th volume of Love Hina (which is being fan-translated and scanned, which is great-o), and it is a superb work. SUPERB. While the plot and characters are all rather stereotypical for anime, it has a certain charm in the art and presentation that makes it "good." Which brings me back to the anime. It seems that it's rather, well, lazy far too often. Entire episodes sometimes only span the length of one chapter of manga, and sometimes they condense plots in other episodes, and leave a lot out and create a rather dull viewing experience. It seems to happen a lot with anime now, with Inu-Yasha and Hunter X Hunter coming to mind. Both are incredibly slow, and in the case of Inu-Yasha, good episodes are too far stuck between the poor episodes. As opposed to going the way of giving viewers a complete story as to enjoy like Rurouni Kenshin's Shishi-o arc, there seem to be far too many anime that rely on passing up story for "more wacky experiences with the crazy characters," like, uh, Rurouni Kenshin before the Shishi-o arc. It's a rather depressing trend, but at least some front-runners are becoming available that actually present innovation to the currently stale anime market.

Gainax's work being the most notable exception to the anime rule. Their latest work ranges from a basic shojo story with a much more psychological presentation in Kareshi Kanojyo no Jijyo, a parody on the whole cute-talking-pet genre with Ebichu, and the completely bizarre and random FLCL. While I was left somewhat soured on Gainax after Evangelion and the abrupt end to KareKano (incomplete anime is the worst, jerks), their new stuff is what could be called the newest trend in anime: difference.

While that is not to say most anime is terrible, it's just that it's becoming, well, boring. Modern anime isn't all terrible, as I enjoy Love Hina, HxH, and Inu-Yasha, despite their faults, there is also some other good stuff to be found around the place. Argento Soma so far has been fantastic, a more political look on the mech genre, it succeeds while not falling into the trappings of Gasaraki, which is being far too political to be enjoyable. Hand Maid May, Vandread, Boys Be..., Tales of Eternia and Sakura Wars TV are also highly enjoyable, while the latter mostly being because I'm a fan of both games and not so much the anime itself, which is pretty much all they're aimed at. However, without a more varied palette in anime, the entire genre itself seems to be lacking a bit in far of "punch." In the US markets, what we have to settle for is a bit irritating. There are only a few series in American release that are worth purchasing after the first volume (Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Jubei-chan, Dual, Black Heaven and Outlaw Star, but all but one of those is finished, leaving only one more volume of Trigun before the anime DVD scene kind of abruptly ends all anticipation), and there are far too many volumes that are either too massive in scope (I would purchase Escaflowne, Nadesico and Rurouni Kenshin to replace my fansubs, but not at upwards of $240 each.) or simply lackluster (Mahou Tsukai Tai being a notable suspect). No longer do I look forward going to the store to look for the next volume in a good series, instead I simply settle for whatever's on the shelf. While the future is not all bleak, as a number of the series I've mentioned above have been picked up for release in the US, as well as Boogie Pop Phantom and Hand Maid May, the market as a whole is simply becoming uninteresting, and for me that's almost enough to stop paying attention to it altogether. But I'm sure the four people that read this rant are endlessly fascinated with my DVD purchasing habits, so I'm sure they appreciated it.

In other news, I finished reading the Graphic Novel "Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid On Earth" today, and it is fantastic. I recommend you all purchase it and grok its fullness.

I will now also start a reoccuring theme that will be updated whenever I see fit: THE UNPLAYED GAME COUNTDOWN. Here I will mention the various games I've purchased and how I haven't played them at all despite paying for them! YEEHAW!!! Tenshi no Present (Rhapsody 3. 2 was Little Princess. Both only available in Japan. Eat me.), GunParade March(Japan's pick of one of the five best games of the year, which inclued DQ7, Shen Mue, Skies of Arcadia, FF9 and, uh, maybe something else in trade for something I put up there, I really don't remember), Custom Robo, Furai no Shiren, Tengai Makyo Zero and Boku to Maoh all kickin' it at 46 days, Fear Effect: Retro Helix stayin alive at 65 days, and Harvest Moon 64 leading the pack with an appaling 189 days. Haha! Maybe something is to be said about the saying "less is more." Also, for any of you who are wondering (which is maybe Mike Vo), the Sakura Wars 3 "EPISODE A DAY!" campaign was cancelled in favor of the "PLAY THE GAME WHEN THE TRANSLATIONS ARE COMPLETE" campaign. GameFAQs has at least 1-4 now, so I'll probably be starting over shortly because I'm not doing too well in the love-department. Except, still, with the little vietnamese girl, which I will despise forever on moral principles. OK BYE NOW!

Saturday, May 5, 2001, 04:47 a.m.

Perish, fools!
So today was a wacky drama-filled fun day of HELL AND FIRE. We went to go see Steve today, to spend some time with the saucy lad before he made his pilgrimage out of the hell-hole known as Tejas. It was a good time. We played Quiz and Dragons and went to a vietnamese restraunt named "PHO 95." It was funny because pretty much everything on the menu was 4.95. Also got some pics of THE ELUSIVE MIKE VO, but those will have to wait till I get some web space, DAWGZ.

After Damon got blasted in the balls, we returned to my home and played games. Which is always fun. Then 8 hours later I called the cable company and OWNED them. OWNED!!!! My cable's been out for the past few days, leaving me without essentials such as free, daily porn. However, after making the call this morning I sweet-talked my way into $30 taken off the bill and instant reconnection for free. I rox.

And now to rant about video games, I received Beatmania IIDX 4th Style today. And let me say this, I'm rather disappointed. While it's good that it's taken such a drastic increase in difficulty (no real 7 songs under 4 stars? Most of them 7? Sassy), I'm amazed with the total awfulness of the notation. It seems that very little effort was put into making the game enjoyable, which is sorely disappointed. The only real standout songs are the remix of era, Starmine, Ultra High-heels, Twin-bee GenX, Absolute, and Final Countdown. But then again, 7/50 ain't bad! Feh. Most of the songs are so hard it's simply irritating to play, and those that aren't, well, aren't good. Quite a way with words today. Anyway, the new songs they added are all simply awful. The only redeeming quality any of the 13 have is the video for Sana Mollete ne Ente BLT style. It's a video with Sana and Tran-of-girl-from-Resurrection-video fame. It's neat. And a note to Konami: Please end the relationship with Dance Express. While BMIIDX 3rd Style featured two songs that were both really good on their own right, and had fantastic notation (making them enjoyable while still being difficult), 4th Style features the shittiest bunch of 80's rejected-from-America-let's-move-to-Japan-and-live-off-video-game-sales jerks. When I think of "The Next Level of Professional DJ Simulation hard and phat" I don't really think "New York City Boy! 5th Avenue and Broadway!" And what the hell is with repeating songs? Did they really need to keep Leading Cyber and Sense in there? I'm sure there are other piles they loaded in there hoping no one would notice so they could boost the track list. Ugh. 6/10 because it's Beatmania, and Beatmania is good. Although it won't be for long if they keep this shit up. PEACE OUT.

Thursday, May 3, 2001, 08:12 a.m.

Hi JERKS!
Since my weekend was dull I'm going to recap journals!! YEEHAW!

GEE, STEVE DOESN'T LIKE UTA! WHAT A SURPRISE! YOU SUCK!

I agree, Kahlor, IRC does suck! btw i love you more than any woman ever could

I could kick your ass at smash, ho.

The authorities have been notified, that jerk was found lying dead in a gutter with a bottle of Jack Daniel's in one hand and an empty syringe in the other. no one cried.

Your journal is a great thing, friend, don't let other net fags bog you down.

The only present you're getting from me is a black eye and two broken arms, sucka!

I miss you, bitch. Please come back, honey.

I'll give you something to cook, baby.

Smack dat ass, boy!

Piracy is wrong, foo.

Hi!

That's all. None of the rest of you fags updated. ESPECIALLY YOU, CHOPP. GET TO IT. OR THE WEDDING'S OFF.

Monday, April 30, 2001, 03:37 a.m.

On Our Way
Have you heard of the band performing the new song "On Our Way?" It's really something. I'm glad that guy from Laos is gone.

Today was a great day. Me and friend Damon went to UTA to meet friend stupidgonzales and walked around the UTA campus for a couple hours and killed some kids. I still wonder what a nanofab is, anyway. Also went to a party or something and now I'm tired so gotohell!

Saturday, April 28, 2001, 04:03 a.m.

goagoagoagoagoa
End of May already. Sigh. Applied for a job at Gameworks today, hopefully I'll get it so I'm no longer poor. Unfortunately, though, I'll be gone for two weeks in May (if the CorpNews gig works out and I get an E3 pass, dammit!!), and then I'll need to take the weekend off for Akon and oh boy wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee anyway I got nothin bye.

Friday, August 25, 2000, 06:26 a.m.

Crunky Boy

The G-town is getting duller and duller by the day. Tis life, I suppose, in an exciting suburb. Hopefully the gig with Corpnews will work out and I'll be able to attend E3 once and for all. It'd be nice seeing how the GameCube holds up. Have you had sake today? It's the most delicious drink in the world. Certainly something to be savored.

On a different note, finished Armored Core 2 today. The game was far too easy and short. What's the deal with all PS2 games being of minimal length anyway? I guess it's great if you really like tweaking your core, but what's the point of putting a lot of work into something that no one else will really see? I guess Armored Core is another form of art to some, eh. Finished the game with 98%, all missions completed and all secret parts gotten. Grr. Time to move on, but to what? I've been playing One Piece Grand Battle a bit, but it's a pretty much nothing but a small diversion. Once everything's unlocked, that one goes back collecting dust. Still need to finish Sakura Wars 3. Hm.

And apparently Dance Dance is back in full force. Local arcades have been getting import games, finally, although the picks leave something to be desired. While it's nice to see Pump it Up in the area, there's little else. Gameworks got 3rd Mix in (hopefully someone will goad them in to getting 5th Mix, unlikely), and Solo Bass has been here for a while, but that's about it. Austin got Guilty Gear X, which is interesting, but otherwise arcade imports leave a lot to be desired. It's good to see, maybe it'll get those jerks publishing the US games to get to work in bringing up-to-date games out instead of poor rehashes and awful localizations. It's kind of a moot point now, though, as all but maybe 4 companies have completely bowed out of the arcade game industry. Konami, Capcom and Sega are the only companies bringing games out anymore, and Namco might still, but I think they're closing down as well. Midway's gone, SNK's gone, well, really, who's left? It's a shame the industry has been boiled down to little to nothing now.

Acclaim's currently at a buck and a half. You shareholders, start buying up those copies of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's Magical Mystery Mall before it's too late!

Thursday, August 24, 2000, 04:14 a.m.

Don't trust anyone different from you.
I haven't updated this for a while, because, well, IT'S GAY! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA. The end. Nothing going on, like usual! So let's talk about... I dunno, you figure something out. I'm going to go kill some people bye!

Monday, August 21, 2000, 03:39 a.m.

blargh~
Gar. One of those days. I attempted my ritual trimming of head w/ clippers today and, alas, I fucked up somewhere so going skinhead once more. Alas, as a Frenchman would say, c'est la vie. I did get a new CDR! And it's great! 16x ruglz. I would like to take this time and remind everyone about A1 games. They have brought out such hits as Bowling and Racing, and now they have a good game out called Board Game Top Shop. It's $10, I'd buy it if I were you! It's really the only console boardgame that works and doesn't fuck up somewhere important. Hooray for freedom!!! What's all the fuss over Mahou Tsukai Tai about? I purchased the first DVD today and I was left rather unimpressed. The characters are all 12-like and it's just a really basic anime. It's not even really funny - the humor is all cliché and bland. Boo!!! Dual conclusion was good. Pioneer was smart for keeping Dual Special in there. Silly bastards. BTW I HATE YOU ALL!!! buysimpsonswrestlingtoday

Wednesday, April 18, 2001, 06:21 a.m.

SAKURA WARS 3!!!!
It really is the best game ever. Sakura Wars 3 definitely didn't disappoint me, I'm very glad for it's release. It's really the only reason to own a Dreamcast, since the rest of the line-up is so paltry. Almost May, no sign of OutTrigger, BETTER RUSH UP AMERICAN 18-WHEELER TO BOOST SALES! YEEHAW!!! Anyway, taking Sakura Wars 3 in daily one-episode-a-day form is great! It makes it very gud. I kind of wonder about the difficulty, though. If I could read Kanji, the game would be even easier since the LIPS all seem to be either Positive or Negative. Oh well, it's good fun anyway. I hope ST3 comes out for PS2, so Working Designs can translate it, but then again I don't since WD has the worst voice actors ever. Ugh, WD. It would be great if Sega used the ST3 Battle Engine in other games, since it's pretty much the most original take on the strategy genre since Warcraft. Shining Force 4 plz? Parents left town the end.

Monday, April 16, 2001, 04:30 a.m.

SHINJUKU 24 HOURS!!!!!
Today was great. GKREW experienced go-kart racing excitement, and it's great. Real competition. Good fun. Went out to eat with my parents and my cousin and her wife and her wife's family and HOT WAITRESSES!!! Where they all came from, I have no idea, but I think that's where they're keeping all the hot women in Dallas. AND THEN IT WAS OFF TO PUTT PUTT FOR POLICE 911 (...SHINJUKU 24 HOURS!!!), the goofy gun game where you duck and weave on a sensor pad. It's so great it's sick. And that's all bye!

Saturday, April 14, 2001, 04:52 a.m.

Lawl.
I just thought this was funny and I wanted to share it. From Ethnic Studies: Using Indian names for sports mascots is not acceptable because; c. Native Americans as a group really don't care about the issue. The letters are all written by radicals. You see it's funny because it's calling Native Americans insane, aahhahahaha.........I'm off to drink some gasoline, bye.

Friday, April 13, 2001, 06:54 a.m.

Dancing all alone singing dum di dum~
It sure is boring in Texas. Need to meet some chicks. Speaking of meeting chicks, other journal guys are losers. You know who you are, jerks. Except snowboardy mcdjay, he's a great guy. I give Sakura Wars 3 a 10/10. It has the coolest strat game battle system ever. I dunno about the villians though. Scissor sure was stupid. OK BYE!

Friday, April 13, 2001, 03:13 a.m.

R10K
Have you ever fallen asleep with your eyes open? It's the worst feeling in the world. I went to sleep late because of previous commitments, and I was awoken an hour later while still watching the clock by a surprise phone call telling me my father was coming into town today! And me without my good pants. Before he arrived, I received Beatmania DaDaDa and Sakura Wars 3 (finally) in the mail, and boy was I disappointed. While the SW3 le package is awful nice, BMD is so bad. Not only is the music stretched out to about 5 minutes a song (the terrible beatmania 2nd mix songs repeating themselves for 10 repetitions...what fun), but the typing and "beatmania" aspect are so poorly implemented it makes me ill. And I was hoping to use the keyboard for my PC as mine is awful notgood, it's very scaled down, so it has very few keys. No numpad and I don't think the 6 function keys above the arrows. What a waste of money. It's not even made by Konami. I hate you, Oracion. I still need to play Gunparade March and so busy. Sigh.

Thursday, April 12, 2001, 02:36 a.m.

ESP.ra.de
Another rainy day. Better update in the ol' "JOURNAL." I've been playing the shooter ESP.ra.de a lot since I've learned of it's emulation. I played it once in Japan, and it's a great game. It's a shooter but instead of goofy ships with lasers you get PSYCHIC ANGST-FILLED TEENAGERS!!! Nothing better than that. It's neat as the characters are different and have different paths and such, but it seems a bit unbalanced. The girl character is much stronger than the other two, just because she has better weapons all around. She has a wide shot, while one of the guys has a simple straight "power"-type shot, and the other has a spread shot. The spread shot guy is cool because he's shooting out SOULS!!! SOULS!!!!! Anyway, it's good. End.

Wednesday, April 11, 2001, 04:43 a.m.

Michelina's Yu Sing Garlic Chicken
Since nothing's been going on really, it's time to REVIEW TV DINNERS!!!

MICHELINA'S YU SING GARLIC CHICKEN

Wednesday, April 11, 2001, 03:07 a.m.

Jerks Everywhere
There's an unnatural amount of hatred towards Captain Jack - Dancing Pompokolin. Perhaps if everyone were not jerks, then they would understand how great it really is. Really. THIS JUST IN : Vodka sux.

Sunday, April 8, 2001, 06:17 p.m.

HI GUYS
HI GUYS! I just wanted to tell you all to buy Simpsons Wrestling. That's all bye!

Thursday, April 5, 2001, 04:26 p.m.

This Just In!
I HATE FLAAB. HE'S A JERK.

Thursday, April 5, 2001, 03:40 p.m.

last straw
That's it, McDougall. You've gone too far. The wedding's off.

Thursday, April 5, 2001, 03:03 a.m.

sweetbreeze
Hi Chris McDougall! <@:) I just wanted to say I love you. Bye! (:{)

Thursday, April 5, 2001, 02:58 a.m.

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